Ramana Maharshi - Recollections of Sri Ramanasramam, by Suri Nagamma

Recollections of Sri Ramanasramam, by Suri Nagamma

 

 

 

Recollections of Sri Ramanasramam, by Suri Nagamma

 

 

(1) COME, LET US GO

Next    In the biography of Bhagavan, Ramana Maharshi, and
the Path of Self-Knowledge, it is mentioned how when Bhagavan
was in the Virupaksha Cave his mother came there on one
or two occasions, and how when in 1912 she stayed for about
ten days, she fell ill. It was on that occasion Bhagavan
composed four verses appealing to Lord Arunachala, which
is perhaps the only instance known of any prayer of his to
influence the course of events. The fever subsided and she
returned to her family in Manamadurai. In 1916, as a result
of some calamities in the family, she got disgusted with life
and came to Arunachala again, this time with the intention
of staying with Bhagavan till the end of her life. As she was
doubtful about her being permitted to stay with him in the
Virupaksha Cave, she went first to Echamma’s house for a
temporary stay and visited Bhagavan frequently along with
Echamma and other lady devotees. After a while, she made
known her desire to remain in the cave permanently with
Bhagavan. Bhagavan just listened to her but did not say
anything. One of the attendants who was looking after the
affairs of the Ashram at the time protested, as he felt that
Bhagavan might not like the idea and might go away from
the place never to return. That was because of his well-known
attitude towards his relatives, including his mother.

Moreover, it was felt that if an exception was made in the
case of the Mother, other women like Echamma and Mudaliar
Patti might likewise seek an exception. Hence all the
attendants in one voice said that ladies should not be allowed
to stay in the cave under any circumstances.
When their objections were made known, Echamma and
other ladies gave an assurance saying, “We will never ask for
permission to stay in the Ashram. It is enough if the Mother
alone is allowed to stay. She has become too old. She cannot
climb up the hill every day; and where else can she go at this
old age? Bhagavan alone should look after her hereafter.” As
no one could guess what exactly was in Bhagavan’s mind and
afraid of suggesting any change in the existing traditions of
the Ashram, they persisted in refusing to accede to Mother’s
requests. She therefore got up in great anguish to leave the
Ashram. Seeing that Bhagavan, deeply moved, also got up
and taking hold of her and said, “Come. Let us go. If not
here we can stay somewhere else. Come.” At this, the residents
of the Ashram fell at his feet and as they were afraid that he
might leave them altogether, begged him to stay, saying, “Please
do not go anywhere. Pray do stay here itself along with
Mother.” From then on Mother stayed with Bhagavan.
With the passage of time, because of latent vasanas,
Mother would say it would be better if they had this article or
that and Bhagavan would admonish her quietly saying,
“Mother, if you want bodily comfort, go to the other son; if
you want mental comfort you stay here,” and she opted for
latter as a matter of course. She adjusted herself to the hard
life of the Ashram and never thought of going elsewhere under
any circumstances. She remained there alone till the very end,
and Bhagavan with his divine grace gave her moksha thus
fulfilling the Upanishad injunction “Matrudevo Bhavah.”
When I heard about this incident from Kunjuswami, I
asked him why it was not mentioned in Bhagavan’s biography.
He said, “It is a fact that it is not mentioned.” I asked Bhagavan
in the same manner as you have asked me and he said: “Why?
I did not like to make public a matter where there was some
difference of opinion amongst the members of the Ashram.”
When I suggested that there might be many such matters which
are not known to the public, Bhagavan said, “Yes. There are
very many matters not known to others. What can one do?”
I was naturally interested in giving publicity to
important matters of this nature and so one day mentioned
it to Santhamma and Subbalakshmamma, two lady devotees
working in the kitchen. They related to me another incident
which is as follows: “After Bhagavan settled down in
Skandasramam along with his mother, Chinnaswami, the
younger brother of Bhagavan, came to Arunachala, took
sannyasa and began living by begging food from the public.
After some time he came to stay with Bhagavan along with
the other attendants. It will be remembered Bhagavan stayed
in Skandasramam till the death of his Mother. Knowing that
her end was near and before losing consciousness, she called
Bhagavan to her side and placing Chinnaswami’s hand in
his, said, ‘Look, my dear. This boy does not know what is
right and what is wrong. Don’t let him go away from you.
Keep a watchful eye on him. This is my last wish’. So saying
she entrusted her third son to the care of Bhagavan. In
accordance with her wishes Bhagavan always kept a watchful
eye on him. Whenever there were any lapses on the part of
Chinnaswami, who later became the Sarvadhikari, Bhagavan
tactfully solved the problems arising therefrom.
Chinnaswami too, had the greatest devotion and highest
regard for Bhagavan.
This was very much in evidence when Chinnaswamy
was looking after the administration of the Ashram as its
Sarvadhikari. If he found fault with anybody and the devotee
stricken with grief complained to Bhagavan, Bhagavan would
look on him with compassion and in his inimitable way relate
some amusing stories to soothe his feelings. If in spite of
that, the devotee were to persist in his complaint, Bhagavan
would console him by saying, “Who knows what tales have
been carried to the Sarvadhikari?”
As regards giving mukti to his mother, as stated above,
one incident deserves special mention. When Palaniswamy,
an early disciple, was in the last throes of death Bhagavan
thought of giving him mukti and so placed his hands on the
heart and the head but the strength of his vasanas was so
intense, they could not get dissolved and so after some time
he removed his hands and gave up the effort, ultimately. In
the case of his Mother some years later, Bhagavan similarly
placed his hands on the heart and the head and as the vasanas
gradually subsided, he continued to keep his hands thus until
life was completely extinct. Thus his efforts at giving mukti
to Mother succeeded. In the case of Lakshmi, the cow,
Bhagavan often told us that all the past incidents in life welled
up in the same manner as in the case of Mother but they
subsided ultimately, which did not happen in the case of
Palaniswami. When I pointed out that Bhagavan was not
with Lakshmi till she breathed her last as in the case of
Mother, he said, “Oh that! What desires did Lakshmi have
after all? Only if there are desires in plenty, they will remain
till the end.” So what Bhagavan wanted us to understand
was that Lakshmi the cow, being an animal, had no vasanas
like us human beings. It was only in the case of these three
living beings that Bhagavan was known to have extended
his grace during the last moments of their lives.

(2) THE COOK

Prev Next    Sometime in 1942, a devotee asked Bhagavan why the
slokas in “Chatvarimsat” though they are only forty in number
are in different metres. Smilingly Bhagavan said, “Oh that!
Nayana wanted to write a “Ramana Satakam” (100 slokas) with
each set of ten slokas in different metres and selected the
required metres for the purpose. He then began writing one
sloka in each metre and slowly added some more slokas as and
when he felt like writing but could not complete the work. By
the time he passed away it was found there were only 40 slokas.

These were gathered together by me and named as
“Chatvarimsat”. This is being recited every morning before
the Upanishad Parayana. What to do? A number of his writings
remained incomplete similarly. That was his way of doing
things.” “In one or two places there are ten slokas at a stretch in
one metre. How come?” asked the devotee. “Yes, yes. In one
dasakam (series of ten slokas) he wrote only two slokas in a lighter
vein saying ‘Bhuvana bhupate, bhagavatah krite, bhavasi pachako
yamavatam pate,’ (Oh! Lord of Sannyasa! You are like a cook in
the services of God). ‘Narapasooniman ahami tadayan,
parasivodanam vithanushe pachan’, (You are demolishing the egos
of the human animals and cooking meals for Parama Siva).
You see, that means I am a good cook. Nayana has styled me a
cook. How strange! Perhaps Arunachaleswara was till then eating
human beings uncooked and now he has got in me an expert
cook. Nayana means I cook well and tastefully and serve it to
the Lord. Good! He can eat the food with great relish. A nice
cook indeed,” said Bhagavan with a smile.

(3) TITLES

Prev Next    In 1944, while copying all Telugu poems in a notebook,
I chanced on a stotram written by Durbha Subramanya Sastri.

I showed it to Bhagavan. Pointing out to me a verse in it, he
said, “Look! He has written saying, ‘What a simpleton you
are! The valuable knowledge you had gathered while doing
tapas in the various caves in the hill you have not safeguarded
by taking out a copyright and have scattered it all over.’ So
he says I am a simpleton. Yes. That is good. Something or
other.” All of us were amused at what Bhagavan said. It was
in those days that a poem written by Vinnakota
Venkataratnam in Telugu was found amongst other papers.
The purport is as under:
“He is the child of Alagamma; this child is very gentle;
He is very delicate; he is very shrewd.
He does not talk at all; but when he talks nectar spills;
He does not see at all; but when he does see, he sees
within his Self.
He puts you off your balance by feeding the hunger of
stomach, but does not show the path of deliverance;
He moves about unattached; he does not show the path
of unattachment.”
There are several verses in the same strain. When
I enquired when Venkataratnam wrote those verses,
Bhagavan said, “Oh that! He came and stayed here for some
time long before you came to the Ashram. Towards the end
of his stay he wrote these poems and handed them over to
us. You see, he called me a mayadi (one who puts people off
their guard). Right. People give me some name or other.
Who is to question?” said Bhagavan with a smile. A few days
later, an article written by Sowrees appeared in a Telugu
monthly journal. Srinivasa Mowni, who looks after all
correspondence, brought the journal with him along with
other articles received by post that day. After Bhagavan had
read all the letters received, he gave them back to Srinivasa
Mowni who left the journal with Bhagavan, saying with a
smile, “What a thief Bhagavan is!” After going through the
article in the journal, Bhagavan handed it over to me saying,
“Look. There is an article about me in the journal written by
Sowrees. Read it aloud so that all those present here can
hear it.” I read through the whole thing. Towards the end,
the writer had stated, “Finally Bhagavan swallowed me, i.e.,
my ego outright. What a thief!” When I read it out, all those
who could understand Telugu laughed. Bhagavan also said
with a smile, “Mowni gave me the journal saying, ‘What a
thief Bhagavan is!’ without telling me what it was all about
and went away smiling. I was intrigued as to what made him
say that. So I went through the article. So that is that. I do
not know what I really am. Sarma says that I am a simpleton;
Vinnakota says I am a mayadi. Sowrees says I am a thief.
They alone must decide who exactly I am. Nayana has already
dubbed me as a cook. Yes, something or other. All are good
titles.” So saying he made us all laugh and he too joined in
the laughter.

(4) HOW FORTUNATE IS THIS SABARI!

Prev Next    Sometime in 1946, S. Doraiswamy Iyer came to the
Ashram. He was a very successful lawyer practising in Madras,
earned a lot of money, gave up practice, donated all the money
to the Aurobindo Ashram, and lived there as an Ashramite.

Off and on, he used to come to Ramanasramam. Once it so
happened I was copying in a notebook various stotras in Telugu
in praise of Bhagavan, when Doraiswami came into the hall
and sat there. He saw how Bhagavan was calling me now and
then and giving me instructions about copying the stotras and
others in Telugu. Doraiswamy appears to have observed the
paternal affection with which Bhagavan was calling me and
so when Bhagavan left the hall and when I too was about to
leave soon after, he came directly behind me unobserved and
began singing the famous Thyagaraja kirtan: “How fortunate
is Sabari? How fortunate is this Sabari!” Startled at the
unexpected singing right behind my back, I turned round
and found him looking at me smiling. I asked him why he
was singing like that. Pointing his hand towards me he said,
“Yes, Amma, I am saying how fortunate is this Sabari!
Bhagavan does not speak to us even once though we ask him
all sorts of questions. In your case, Bhagavan himself asks for
you saying, ‘Where is Nagamma?’ and speaks to you every
now and then. How lucky you are!” I naturally felt very much
elated at that.
In 1954 I shifted my permanent residence from the
Ashram to Andhra Pradesh and was coming to the Ashram
once or twice a year for a few months’ stay. On one such
occasion, perhaps in 1957, I remained in Bhagavan’s hall a
little longer than usual and with all thoughts of Bhagavan
crowding in on my mind, was going out when all of a sudden
I heard a voice from behind similar to Bhagavan’s calling,
“Where is Nagamma?” (Nagamma yedhi?). Startled at that,
I looked behind and found Devaraja Mudaliar smiling at me.
Noticing the tears that had welled up in my eyes, he said,
“Bhagavan used to call you like that, didn’t he?” Recovering
my balance of mind I replied, “Yes, Brother. What you have
said is perfectly correct. For a fleeting moment I felt it was
Bhagavan himself that was calling me. What a delusion! Be it
as it may, I have heard those soothing words once again at
least through your mouth. What a good day for me! It was
only after hearing those words from Bhagavan that
Doraiswamy Iyer sang the song ‘How fortunate is this Sabari!’
Those good days are gone never to return,” I said. Mudaliar
also felt likewise, and shared with me my regrets, being a
fellow devotee.

(5) NO NEED FOR LEAVE APPLICATION FOR WOMEN

Prev Next    As is customary for orthodox women to refrain from
reading or writing during their monthly period, I was
observing that practice for a long time, and was not going to
the Ashram during those three or four days. The work of
copying Telugu writings received from various people
therefore was piling up. Bhagavan was observing this for
some time. After the fourth occasion when I absented myself
thus, Bhagavan commented on this. That day some stotras
were received through post and had to be copied after being
read out in the hall. When they were as usual placed in
Bhagavan’s hands, he looked at Rajagopala Iyer and
remarked, “Oh! These papers have been received but
Nagamma has not turned up. She goes on leave thus thrice
every two months. Even the Governor of a State has perhaps
to apply for leave; not so the women. They keep away as
they please and we have to infer the reason. All right. Go
and give her these papers and the notebook. She may copy
them at her leisure. Ask her to look into the proofs first as
they have to be sent back to the press immediately. Better
you bring them back with you.” He thus sent me the papers.

Rajagopala Iyer brought the papers soon after and related
to me smilingly all that Bhagavan said. He gave me the papers
and went away. Whatever doubts I had before about writing
and reading during the monthly period got cleared up that
day. I took Bhagavan’s views as authoritative and corrected
the proofs immediately. Subsequently, I copied all the papers
sent to me in the notebook and after my purificatory bath
went to the Ashram and placed them at the lotus feet of
Bhagavan. He accepted them with a gracious smile.

(6) WHY WORRY?

Prev Next    Bhagavan’s Jayanti (birthday) is always an important
annual event. The day previous to the celebrations, stotras in
praise of Bhagavan are read in the Hall and in the night there
is feasting. While most of the devotees come in the morning
of the Jayanti day and leave the same evening, some of the
older devotees come a day earlier and leave a day after, so
that they may spend a longer time with Bhagavan. Thus, for
three days at a stretch, there used to be unusual bustle and
activity.

Once the Jayanti fell during the December holidays. So
Gurram Subbaramayya, Krishna Bhikshu and others employed
in service came four or five days in advance. I thought I could
spend time usefully with all of them discussing Bhagavan, but as
ill-luck would have it, I had my period in the early morning of
the day previous to the Jayanti day. I was very much upset and
sat in the verandah of my house brooding over my misfortune.
As I did not turn up at the Ashram at the usual hour,
Subbaramayya came to my place to find out the reason. When I
explained my predicament, he said a few words of consolation
and then went back. On seeing him Bhagavan asked him, “What
is the matter? Why has Nagamma not come?” After mentioning
the cause of my absence, Subbaramayya stated that I was very
much disappointed and depressed. “Why? Why should she be
sorry? She can sit and meditate,” said Bhagavan. Subbaramayya
came to me after lunch and told me about Bhagavan’s
observations. From that day onwards I got confirmed in the view
that there is no need to refrain from the practice of meditation
under such circumstances and what is really important is to get
rid of the impurities of the mind. The same holds good for writing
work also. What Bhagavan said was indeed an injunction coupled
with his grace and kindness.

(7) FASTING

Prev Next    Another important thing happened during the days of
my commencing the writing work. On auspicious days like
Mondays in the month of Kartik or Maha Sivarathri days, I
used to fast and as if to test me, papers to be copied by me
used to be received in large numbers on such days. Bhagavan
looked into them carefully instead of just glancing at them if
I were there. So Rajagopala Iyer enquired why he was taking
the trouble of perusing them at length instead of passing
them on to Nagamma. Bhagavan never replied to the
question and so I went to him to ask for the papers. He gave
them to me reluctantly. After it had happened thus on one
or two occasions, I recalled the circumstances under which
Echamma’s niece, Chellammal, gave up fasting on special
occasions, feeling that service at the holy feet of Bhagavan
was more valuable than indulging in fasts. I give below the
sloka that accidentally came into the hands of Chellamma:
Sajjanasange samprapte samastha niyamairalam
taalawrinthena kim karyam labdhe malayamarutham
When one gets the company of holy men, there is no need
for religious austerities. When cool breeze blows, where is
the need for a fan?
It seems Kunjuswami was for some time observing fast
on special festival days. Bhagavan was therefore not
entrusting him with any work on such occasions saying,
“How can we ask him to do any work when he is weak with
fasting?” When Kunjuswami came to know of it, he gave
up fasting saying, “Enough, enough of this. Is fasting greater
than serving the Master?”
Once a devotee asked Bhagavan about the significance
of fasting. With a benevolent look towards him, Bhagavan
said, “If all the activities of the indriyas are given up, the mind
becomes single-pointed. When such a mind gets concentrated
on God, it is real upavasam (fasting). ‘Upa’ means being near;
‘vasam’ means living. Where is he going to live? He will live in
his Self. Desires are the food for the mind. Giving them up in
upavasam. If there are no desires whatsoever there is no such
thing as mind. What remains then is the Self. One who can
‘fast’ the mind, need not ‘fast’ the body,” said Bhagavan.

The same devotee asked again, “Why is it that people
say that one should perform yagnas, yagas, abhishekas, pujas
and the like and fast on such occasions?” Bhagavan replied,
“That is secondary. For those who cannot manage to fast the
mind as aforesaid, fasting of the body has been suggested so
as to purify the mind. For those who cannot do even that,
i.e., fasting, bhajan and sankeertanam have been suggested.
All that is to the good.”

(8) GIVE THEM TO THOSE WHO HAVE ALREADY EATEN

Prev Next    In January 1950, Homeopathic treatment was given for
the cancerous growth on Bhagavan’s left elbow, as all other
systems of treatment had failed to cure it. The Homeopathic
doctor, like all other doctors, also first appealed to Bhagavan
to cure himself before commencing treatment, saying what
he himself could do was only minimal. At that time I was
taking only cholam (corn) meals instead of rice. As it was the
month of January and a fresh crop had arrived in the market,
I prepared puffs with cholam the same way as I was doing in
previous years and wanted to offer them to Bhagavan as
usual and then only cook the cholam meal for myself.

Bhagavan had a great liking for cholam puffs and so whenever
I offered them he ate them with great relish. Owing to his
illness now, the office authorities had issued an order that
no eatables or medicines should be offered to Bhagavan
without their prior knowledge or permission. In view of this,
I first asked the doctor and when he said there was no
objection, I prepared the puffs, put them in a big brass
container and went to the Ashram office about an hour
before breakfast. When I told them that the doctor had no
objection to the puffs being eaten by Bhagavan and that I
would hand them over to the people in the kitchen for being
served to Bhagavan and others during breakfast, the
Sarvadhikari and the others with him did not say anything.
Not knowing what to do, I handed over the puffs to
Santhamma in the kitchen, leaving it to them to do whatever
they pleased. In those days, Bhagavan did not go to the
dining hall for his meals and so did not know what exactly
happened there. As the Ashram authorities did not
themselves ask the doctor, they hesitated to give the puffs to
Bhagavan and so gave them to the devotees only.
Ramachandra Iyer, one of the attendants of Bhagavan, who
ate them, during breakfast came and told Bhagavan, “It seems
Nagamma gave some cholam puffs for being distributed in
the dining hall. They were served to us all. We ate them and
found them very tasty.” It seems Bhagavan merely remarked,
“Oho! Is that so? They are very tasty. I cannot eat them now
without the doctor’s permission.”
As I was anxious to know whether the puffs were given
to Bhagavan or not, I asked Ramachandra Iyer about it in
the afternoon. “No. They were not given to Bhagavan.
Perhaps they were afraid the doctor would not approve,” he
said. Annoyed at that, I told him that I had already obtained
doctor’s permission and also had informed the office about
it. I came home feeling very sad. Subsequently Ramachandra
Iyer quietly informed Bhagavan about my having obtained
the doctor’s permission and told the authorities about it
before handing the puffs to the people in the kitchen. “Oh!
Is that so?” said Bhagavan and left the matter at that. Ten
days later the Ashram authorities themselves obtained the
doctor’s permission, and brought cholam puffs to Bhagavan
saying, “Doctor has permitted you to eat them. Please take
them.” With evident displeasure, Bhagavan said, “Oho! I
should not eat them if Nagamma gets them but should eat
them only if you get them, is it? She brought them after
getting the doctor’s permission; only you never believed her.
I should now believe you, should I? Enough of this nonsense.
Give them to those who ate them previously. I don’t want
them.” So saying he refused even to touch them.
The cholam meal which I started taking in 1940 and
continued to take till 1950 did not suit me afterwards and I
have not taken it since. Perhaps in one of my previous births
I had given cholam as food for about eleven years to some
Mahatma who was doing his tapas sustaining himself with
that food. Consequently I must have been privileged to eat
cholam as food in this life and do service at the feet of
Bhagavan.

(9) FIGS

Prev Next    A few days after the above incident, my sister-in-law
sent some dry figs through someone coming here with
instructions to give some for me and the rest to Bhagavan as
she knew Bhagavan liked figs very much. I cleaned them
carefully dried them and kept them in a Horlicks bottle. I
could not give them to Bhagavan as the Ashram authorities
had prohibited the giving of any eatables to Bhagavan by
devotees. This time I did not even attempt to seek their
permission though I was feeling sore over it. The fruit was
however carefully preserved and so there was no hurry either.

I did not taste even a single bit as I did not feel like eating
them before offering them to Bhagavan. The Homeopathic
treatment was still being continued. One day I went to the
Ashram a little earlier than 4 p.m. In those days Bhagavan
was giving darshan from 8 to 10 a.m. in the mornings and
from 4 to 6 p.m. in the afternoons. By the time I went there
arrangements had been made for Bhagavan to sit on a table
with a mattress spread thereon in the verandah attached to
the Nirvana room. That day when Bhagavan came out and
sat on the dais there were about five hundred devotees, men
and women, children and old people. To the south of the
verandah at a lower elevation ladies including myself were
seated. Srinivasa Mowni came at 4.30 p.m. and showed to
Bhagavan the letters that were being sent out. On reading
one of the letters Bhagavan turned towards me and looked
steadfastly. I could not understand the reason why he did
so. When he looked thus twice or thrice S. Doraiswamy Iyer
and others by his side began discussing amongst themselves
in whispers what it could be about. Mowni got back the letters
from Bhagavan and left. No sooner than he left, Bhagavan
turned towards me and said, “Look. It seems the
Homeopathic doctor has given me permission for taking figs,
grapes and other dry fruits. So these people are writing to
your brother, D.S. Sastri in Madras, to send some. That is
the letter that I have just read.” I was surprised and
summoning enough courage, I said immediately: “Is that
so? How strange! My sister-in-law sent some time back dry
figs with instructions to give them to you but I have not
brought them here because I was afraid I would not be
permitted to give them to you. I have therefore washed them,
dried them and preserved them carefully in a glass jar.”
Looking at me with compassion, Bhagavan said, “Is it so?
They are in your house now?” I replied in the affirmative
and was hesitating whether to go and fetch them then itself
or not, when Bhagavan said, “Oho! I see. They are here
itself in your house. Then why worry? Why have they written
to Madras?” On hearing that, I could not sit there any longer
and unmindful of consequences, got up saying, “I will bring
them immediately.”
I went home and returned in about ten minutes with
the bottle filled with figs. Noticing my coming back, Bhagavan
told Rangaswami, one of his personal attendants, “There,
Nagamma is bringing the fruit jar. Go and receive it.”
Accordingly, Rangaswami came to the edge of the verandah
and stretched his hands when I gave the jar to him from
below. Bhagavan got its lid removed immediately, took some
fruit from it, asked for a penknife and when Rangaswami
brought it, cut the fruit into small bits and began eating them.
All those around him looked at him with surprise. Handing
back the jar to Rangaswami with the remaining fruits,
Bhagavan asked him to preserve them carefully as otherwise
they would write to all sorts of places for their supply. “We
will be able to say that we have them already with us. I can
eat them whenever I feel like it,” said Bhagavan. Looking at
me Rangaswami asked me if I wanted the empty jar back
and I replied in the negative. My joy knew no bounds at the
graciousness extended towards me. My eyes were filled with
tears of joy. Bhagavan looked at me as if to say, “Is your
desire now fulfilled?” It is no exaggeration to say that his
eyes were shining bright like emeralds.
It was a great surprise to those who were present there
that Bhagavan who does not eat anything given to him by
devotees without sharing the same with all those around him
at the time did not do so on this occasion. As this is most
unusual, my happiness was without bounds. I was reminded
of Lord Sri Rama and His acceptance with great relish of
fruits given to Him by Sabari, which she had preserved for a
very long time awaiting the arrival of the Lord. I also felt
that the song sung by Doraiswamy Iyer in 1946, standing
behind me directly, “How fortunate is Sabari? How fortunate
is this Sabari?” That has come true, in a sense. The same
Doraiswamy Iyer was present now witnessing the whole scene
and looking at me with great kindness.

(10) YADBHAAVAM TAT BHAVATI (AS ONE CONCEIVES, SO THINGS HAPPEN)

Prev Next    One of the devotees who could speak to Bhagavan with
some familiarity noticed some undesirable acts of some of
the devotees in the Ashram and so asked, “Bhagavan, why
do people behave like this even in your august presence?”
With a smile Bhagavan replied: “What else can be done?
That which is within comes out. Nothing that is not inside
can come out, you see. If there is something good, it comes
out; so also that which is bad likewise comes out. Nothing
can remain bottled up within for long.” “That means the
sannidhi in the presence of jnanis or Mahatmas acts only as a
mirror. Whatever is within gets reflected outside. Is that
so?” asked the devotee, “Yes. That is so. The thoughts of
the one sitting opposite to me get reflected here. What of
that? Where people gather together such things necessarily
happen. It can’t be helped,” said Bhagavan. There were
several incidents of this nature. I give below one such:
Annamalai was looking after the construction work
when the Ashram was shifted to the foot of the hill. One day
when everyone was quietly meditating in the hall, he came
to Bhagavan and prostrated. When he got up, Bhagavan
began enquiring of him whether the construction of a
particular wall was over and whether the construction of the
new room had begun. Noticing the enquiries, a devotee said,
“Bhagavan. Why is it that whenever Annamalaiswami comes
here you talk to him only of construction work?” “Is that
your doubt? When he comes here does he come here as an
individual by name Annamalai? He appears as if the
structures themselves have come. What can I do? With
whatever ideas people come to me, the ideas occur to me as
if reflected in a mirror. When I speak to him on that subject
he is satisfied. He will have no regrets that he could not sit
here and meditate. He is concerned only about construction
work and he is amply satisfied if I enquire about it. That is
why elders say ‘Yadbhaavam Tat Bhavati’,” said Bhagavan.

(11) A GARLAND OF UPADESAS

Prev Next    Once a devotee asked, “What is the import of the upadesa
(communication of an initiatory mantra or formula) of Lord
Krishna contained in the following verse of the Gita?”
paritranaya sadhunam vinasayacha dushkrutam
dharmasamstapanarthaya sambhavami yuge yuge
Bhagavan: (with a smile on his face) “What is the
difficulty about it? It means for the protection of the virtuous,
for the destruction of evildoers and for establishing dharma,
I am born from age to age. This is easily understandable.”
Devotee: “That is not my point, Bhagavan. Lord
Krishna says, ‘I will be born; I will protect’. Does it mean
that He will be born again and again?”
Bhagavan: “Oho, is that your doubt? When Mahatmas
talk of ‘I’ they do not speak of the body. That ‘I’ means I along
with ahamkarana which becomes ahankara (ahamkarana means
mind, buddhi, chitta and ahankara). That which is freed from
the ahamkarana is Atma. When that I becomes bahirmukha, i.e.,
outer-directed it becomes worldly and when it is inner-directed
antarmukha, it becomes aham-sphurana, all-pervading.”
Devotee: “If that is so, sastras say that without prarabdha
no one is born into this world. Where is the question of
prarabdha for Paramatma?”
Bhagavan: “There is no need to doubt the sastras.

Paramatma is nishkriya (without action). How can he have
prarabdha, you say. The reply to your doubt is in that verse
itself. The verse says, ‘When the evil-doers hurt the virtuous,
the latter pray to God by doing puja, japa, tapas, yagna and
other good deeds to relieve them of the tortures inflicted on
them by the evildoers. The bad deeds of the evildoers and the
good deeds of the virtuous result in prarabdha and God comes
down to the earth assuming a form — an avatar — that is known
as pareccha prarabdha.”
On some other occasion, another devotee asked: “What
is the meaning of Achyuta?”
Bhagavan: “Achyuta means one who does not slip down
from his real state; that is a Mahatma, one whose mind has
become one with the Atma. Askhalita brahmachari also means
the same thing; one who dwells in Brahman; one whose mind
does not slip down from Brahman.”
Devotee: “What is meant by Hrisheekesa?”
Bhagavan: “Hrisheeka means the indriyas. Eesa means
the Lord. So Hrisheekesa means the Lord of the indriyas. There
is always a separate meaning for the various words describing
the Lord.”
On another occasion, a devotee speaking about the
Gita asked: “In the sloka ‘dievi hyesha gunamayee’ it is said he
who is devoted to me can conquer my maya. What exactly
is its import?”
Bhagavan: “It is the same thing.
dievihyesha gunamayi mama maya duratyaya
mameva ye prapatdyante mayametham tharanthi the
Gita, VII: 14
“That means: ‘This wonderful illusion of mine, consisting
of three gunas (modes of nature) is extremely difficult to get
over; however, those alone that take refuge in me cross it.’
Those that take refuge in me means those that engage
themselves in an enquiry of the Self and take refuge in that
‘I’ can cross over the maya (illusion). That is the meaning. In
the Gita in another verse after this there is mention of the
four types of bhakti:
chaturvidha bhajanthe mam janah sukritino arjuna,
artho jignasu artharthi jnaneecha bharatarshbha
Gita, VII: 16
“It means: ‘Four types of virtuous men worship Me Oh
Arjuna! the seeker of worldly objects; the sufferer; the seeker
of knowledge and the man of wisdom.’
“Immediately after that verse there is another:
thesham jnani nityayukta ekabhaktir visishyate
priyo hi jnaninotyartham aham sa cha mama priyah:
Gita, VII: 17
“It means: ‘Of them the best is the man of wisdom
constantly established in identity with Me and possessed of
exclusive devotion; for extremely dear am I to the wise man
(who knows Me in reality) and he is extremely dear to ME.’
You see that what the Jnani likes most is the ‘I’. He worships
only that ‘I’. He is dear to Me and I am dear to him. It
means the Atma which always says ‘I, I’ is dear. In the same
manner whenever in the Gita it is said, ‘Serve Me, surrender
to Me, I am everything’ it relates to the Atmaswarupa and not
to the form wearing sankha, chakra, gada and four arms. The
references made by all Mahatmas to ‘I’ are to that atmaswarupa
and not to the body. To them nothing other than the Self is
evident.’ So saying Bhagavan assumed silence.

(12) MANTROPADESA

Prev Next    Once a lady devotee went about saying that Bhagavan
had deputed her to give upadesas (communication of an
initiatory mantra or formula) to others. She gathered around
her some devotees. In due course, this developed into a
racket — upadesas, presentations and the like, and later
deification of the lady by giving her not only costly silk sarees
but also doing pada pujas (worship of her feet as the Guru).

A devotee of Sri Ramanasramam happened to visit his native
place when he met some of the lady’s disciples. He
deprecated all the false propaganda that was being made
there in the name of Bhagavan. He asserted that Bhagavan
never instructed others to do any propaganda in his name
nor in the manner that was being done. They did not pay
any heed to his protestations and asserted that Bhagavan
himself gave personal instructions to that lady. According to
them she was the very embodiment of the Holy Mother and
would never tell a lie. When the devotee came back to the
Ashram, he related to Bhagavan the whole story and asked
him if he had given any instructions as alleged. Bhagavan
replied, “What do I know? I never said like that to anybody.”
“If that is so, may I go and tell all the people there and stop
all the propaganda that is being made in your name?” asked
the devotee. With a smile Bhagavan remarked, “What an
idea! Suppose you go and tell them that Bhagavan never
gave instructions in the manner alleged. They may say he
did it in a sukshma (subtle) manner, or they may say he
appeared in a dream and gave instructions and thus argue
endlessly. Will they stop at that? She may even come here
and question me saying, ‘Swami, did you not come to me in
a dream on such and such a day and tell me. Or, did you not
come to me in a subtle form and tell me?’ and thus challenge
me. What can be done then? To say ‘No’ there must be
evidence. Who can quarrel with them?” With that the devotee
gave up all further attempts in this regard.

(13) A LITTLE CHILD

Prev Next    Sometime in 1944-45, a devotee by name Somasundaram
Pillai came to Arunachala with the intention of staying in the
Ashram permanently. His wife is also a great devotee of
Bhagavan. Her devotion is however of a peculiar nature. It
seems Bhagavan once appeared to her in a dream as a little
child; so she wrote some verses about feeding the little child,
bathing it, putting it in a cradle and lulling it to sleep. She
began singing those songs in the hall and at times used to
faint after getting into an ecstasy. Her relatives used to take
her home on such occasions with a strong belief that it was a
divine blessing. Bhagavan watched the whole thing with
amusement but kept quiet. One day, she brought a cradle, sat
opposite to Bhagavan in the hall, kept a small photo of his in
it, rocked the cradle and began singing a lullaby. She had by
her side a diaper bag with a spare bed and children’s clothing.

People in the hall were witnessing the whole thing with curiosity.
As I stepped into the hall, I looked at Bhagavan enquiringly.
Bhagavan suppressed a smile and sat as usual in a dignified
manner. I sat down quietly. After rocking the cradle and
singing a number of songs, she collected her things and went
away with all her people. As soon as she left, Bhagavan looked
at me and said, “There you are! She found me as a small child
and is now bringing me up perhaps because there is no one
to look after me. She took me home, gave me milk, bathed
me, laid me on a bed specially prepared for me, sang lullabies
and put me to sleep. She says, ‘Come my little child; I will give
you milk; I will give you a bath; I will give you food; I will put
you to sleep.’ She is doing all this in my very presence. What
to tell them! People do all sorts of funny things according to
their preconceived notions. We have merely to keep quiet
witnessing them,” said Bhagavan.

(14) KUNJUSWAMI’S TRIP TO TIRUPATI

Prev Next    During the period Bhagavan was living on the hill a
Malayali devotee brought Kunjuswami who was then very
young and told Bhagavan, “Swami, this little boy came to us
saying he did not want his mother, father or his native village
and stayed with us. Even in his childhood he had great
vairagya (absence of worldly desires or passions). Quite a
smart lad. But what is the use of his staying with us? We
thought it would be good if he were to stay with a holy person
like you and so have brought him here. Please allow him to
stay with you.” Thus they entrusted him to Bhagavan and
went away. From that tender age itself, he was very obedient
and docile and so Bhagavan began calling him, “Kunju,
Kunju.” Subsequently all others began calling him by the
same name; and that ultimately became his permanent name.

As he grew up he showed remarkable intelligence.
The number of Bhagavan’s personal attendants also
gradually increased, as also the devotees when Bhagavan
shifted from Skandasramam to the present place. Dandapani
Swami was looking after the management of the Ashram at
the time. He was in charge of the kitchen also. At that time
Bhagavan was working in the kitchen like an assistant under
him. If Dandapani fried the ingredients for chutney,
Bhagavan ground them suitably; if rice and dhal were soaked
in water overnight, Bhagavan ground them into iddli paste
the next morning. That kind of work was being done by
Bhagavan at the time.
Once it so happened that when Bhagavan was grinding
rice and dhal for iddli his hands got blistered. Noticing it,
Kunjuswami with great humility, requested Bhagavan not to
grind. Bhagavan did not listen to him. He begged of
Dandapani not to entrust that work to Bhagavan, but it was
of no use. At the same time, Dandapani got a basketful of
tamarind leaves, fried them lightly with chillies and gave the
whole lot to Bhagavan for grinding into chutney. Bhagavan
began grinding it in spite of the blisters on the hands. Unable
to contain his anguish, Kunjuswami told Bhagavan, “Please
don’t grind it. If you do, I will not eat that chutney.” Without
minding his protest, Bhagavan completed the grinding and
got the chutney ready. When it was served during meal time,
Kunjuswami declined to eat it. Bhagavan noticed it and from
then onwards whenever anyone came to see him he sent for
Kunjuswami and asked him, “May I talk to this person?”
Other times he used to enquire, “May I go out to answer
calls of nature? May I take food?” and the like. That way he
began taunting Kunju by asking for permission for
everything. When his attendants asked him, ‘What is all this,
Bhagavan?”, he said, “Yes. I must act according to his
directions; otherwise he might even decline to take food. If
he asks me to stand, I must stand; if he asks me to sit, I must
sit. I must act according to his instructions in every respect.
He has refused to eat the tamarind chutney just because I
did not stop grinding when he protested. That is the way
with these people. They come here as sadhakas and then try
to boss over us. Things will be all right if we act according to
their instructions.”
Hearing all that, Kunjuswami felt deeply grieved and
crestfallen and in his depressed state of mind, resolved to go
away on pilgrimage for some time. Accordingly, he
approached Bhagavan for permission to go to Tirupati.
Bhagavan did not say yes or no to his request but instead
began giving him some work or other to keep him busy all
the time and thereby effectively prevented him from asking
permission to go. Suddenly one day Bhagavan started for
giripradakshina (circumambulating the hill) and asked Kunju
to accompany him. Afraid of raising any objections and
hoping against hope he would get permission to leave after
the giripradakshina was over, he packed his clothes and took
them with him so as to go to the railway station straight,
without returning to the Ashram. Observing this Bhagavan
purposely began walking much slower than usual, with the
result by the time they approached the town towards the
end of their giripradakshina the train had already steamed
out of the railway station. Looking at Kunju with a smile
Bhagavan said, “Kunju, there is the train by which you wanted
to go. Hurry up. Go and catch it.” When all the devotees
present laughed at this, Bhagavan said, “That is not it. When
he was a little boy someone — perhaps his Guru brought
him to me and entrusted him to my care. Now he says he
will go away from me. Where will he go? In case his Guru
comes and asks me, ‘Where is my sishya?’ What reply can I
give?” That was the end of the story and the idea of his
going on pilgrimage was given up. It only shows how he was
tied down by the grace of Bhagavan.
Subsequently, the devotees respectfully submitted to
Bhagavan, “Kunju is feeling extremely sad. That is why he
wanted to go to Tirupati for getting some peace of mind.
How can he stay on here if Bhagavan does not forgive him?”
With a laugh Bhagavan said, “How queer! All that I said was
in a lighter vein. After all what wrong has he done? He could
not bear the sight of the blisters on my hands getting worse
by my continuing to do the grinding work and so tried to
dissuade me. Nothing very wrong. Tell him to give up all
these foolish ideas about pilgrimage. What can I say if his
Guru turns up and asks for his sishya?” After that Bhagavan’s
attitude towards him became perfectly normal.
Relating to me this incident Kunjuswami said, “Amma!
After this incident, I have gone to several places on pilgrimage
but could not find any peace of mind until I came back to
Arunachala. This is Bhagavan’s grace.” Kunjuswami is staying
in the Ashram to this day.

(15) ARUNACHALA MAHATMYAM

Prev Next    During the early days of my stay at the Ashram, i.e.,
sometime in 1942-43, I obtained permission from Bhagavan
to take home a copy of Arunachala Mahatmyam in Telugu
from the library. After I finished reading it, I put a fresh
wrapper over it and wrote carefully on it in a neat hand the
words “Arunachala Mahatyam” and placed it in the hands of
Bhagavan. He turned it this way and that and appeared
visibly amused. I could not understand why he was amused.

As soon as Rajagopala Iyer came in, Bhagavan said with a
smile, “Here. Look at this. Nagamma has returned to us the
book she had borrowed. Normally when women borrow
books from us, they use them as covers to their rachappas
(stone jars for preserving food articles) with the result the
covers of the book get dirty with the marks of the jars. It is
not so in the case of Nagamma. She has put a neat cover
over the book and has brought it back in an improved
condition. Not only that, she has written on it the name of
the book also. See how she has done it.” As Rajagopala Iyer
did not know Telugu, he enquired as to what exactly had
been written. “What? She says ‘Arunachala Mahatyam’. She
is a poet, you see. So gives entirely new names just as she
likes. She says ‘Mahatyam’, ‘Mahatyam’.” So saying he laughed.
I could not understand what exactly was wrong with the
name and so thought it better to ask him. With great
trembling I asked, “Was that a mistake? I did not know.”
Laughing once again, Bhagavan said, “It is Maahaatmyam,
not Mahatyam. See what you have written here.” Showing it
to me he himself corrected the mistake. I said within myself,
“Oh Mahaprabho! How many mistakes we commit in life! It
is your grace that should come to our rescue from time to
time and save us!”

(16) RAMANA SAHASRANAMAM

Prev Next    Once in 1943, a letter was received from Nellore
devotees saying that for several years they had been
celebrating Ramana Jayanti and as they wished to perform
puja to Bhagavan’s portrait as part of the celebrations, they
would like to have the procedural mantras prepared and sent
to them. After reading that letter, Bhagavan passed it on to
Jagadeeswara Sastri. It seems some time earlier Sastri had
written Ramana Sahasranama Stotram (stotram of a thousand
names of Ramana), but it appeared to have been lost and so
the matter was left at that. Now that a special request was
made not only for the stotram but also for the puja mantras,
Sastri felt happy and enthusiastic and agreed to prepare the
whole thing himself. He took up the work in right earnest.

On learning that the work had been undertaken the
devotees from Nellore started reminding about it every now
and then; so Sastri completed expeditiously the puja mantras
and the stotram. On finishing the work, he came to Bhagavan
and prayed for permission to perform the first puja to
Bhagavan personally in the hall. With a smile, Bhagavan
said, “Oh! Is it your idea to make me sit here and perform
your puja to me?” “No Bhagavan; it is not to you but to your
lotus feet,” replied Sastri. Drawing back his feet hurriedly,
Bhagavan said, “Enough, enough of this nonsense. Go home
and perform your puja to a portrait. Pada puja and Sirah
puja! (worship of the feet and the head) Why all that here?”
Unable to say anything in reply and in accordance with
Bhagavan’s injunctions he had a portrait of Bhagavan in his
house to which he performed the first puja and then placed
the stotra book at the feet of Bhagavan. We all felt that it was
a good lesson to all those so called holy men who accept
pujas from their devotees forgetting that they are mere
mortals like the devotees themselves with a body composed
of the five elements which are subject to decay, same as in
the case of the devotees.
The procedural details of the puja were written in
Sanskrit in Devanagari script. The Nellore people however
wanted them in Telugu. Bhagavan therefore asked me to do
the transcription work. My knowledge of the nagari script
being limited, I had to seek the help of others whenever I
had doubts. Later Bhagavan himself went through the whole
work and made corrections wherever necessary. Thereafter,
I made a fair copy and it was sent to Nellore. They had it
printed in 1944 and copies are now available in the Ashram
bookshop. In the Ashram also puja is now being performed
in accordance with that book. The Ramana Ashtottaram (108
Names in praise of Bhagavan) written by Viswanatha Swami
is also being recited at the time of the puja. That book also
has been published by the Ashram in two or three languages
and is now available at the bookshop.
It is not only now that Bhagavan declined to allow any
personal worship. Even when he was in Gurumurtham,
Thambiranswami once performed puja to his body. He was
in mouna (silence) during that period and was not talking to
anybody; so he wrote on the wall with charcoal: “This is all
this body requires,” and showed it to him. Thambiran did
not understand the meaning of what was written and so made
arrangements for worship the next day. Bhagavan wrote
again: “This is only to fill the stomach,” and disappeared
from the place at the time of the puja. Thambiranswami
thereupon gave up all attempts at personal worship. All this
is mentioned in the Telugu biography of Bhagavan, Ramana
Leela. Besides this, Mudaliar Patti, Echammal and other
ladies used to bring flower garlands and flowers with a desire
to put the garlands around Bhagavan’s neck and the flowers
at his feet and then worship him. That was when he was staying
in Skandasramam. Sensing the situation, Bhagavan had a
portrait of his installed in an adjacent room and said, “Go
there and have all your desires fulfilled.” So they used to
perform puja to the portrait only. At no time did he give the
slightest encouragement to anyone to feel that the body is
the same as the Self.

(17) GANESAN

Prev Next    During the years 1943/44 T. N. Venkataraman, son of
Chinnaswami, the Sarvadhikari, was living in the town and
coming to the Ashram daily to do his allotted work. His
second son, Ganesan was at the time a little boy of about
seven or eight years of age. One day while returning from
school, he accidentally met a jutka driver known to the family
and so got into his jutka for a joy ride. As the boy did not
return home at the usual time, his people got worried and
began to search for him. He was not found anywhere near
the school nor anywhere near about. One or two people
searching for him came to the Ashram and informed
Bhagavan about the missing boy. Bhagavan sent them away
saying he would be somewhere near and they need not make
a big fuss over it. One of the devotees sitting nearby remarked,
“The boy used to be playing about here worshipping the
idols of Vighneswara, Sri Krishna and other gods. What a
pity! Where could he have gone?” Bhagavan with a laugh
remarked, “Why worry? He will be loitering somewhere.

Running away from home is in the family. There is nothing
strange.” The boy was found afterwards. He grew up and
took his M.A. While doing a job in Bombay he got disgusted
with life, renounced everything, went away from there
without informing anybody and was ultimately traced at
Kashi. His father went there and brought him back home.
He however declined to take up any salaried job or marry
and settle down. Devotees from Madras and at the Ashram
told Ganesan, “Never mind all that. It is enough if you
remain at the Ashram and look after its affairs.” Accordingly
he stayed back and is now the Managing Editor of The
Mountain Path journal. The words of Bhagavan that running
away from the family and becoming a sannyasi is in the family
have come true in his case. It is truly said that the words of
Mahatmas are prophetic and never go waste. Their prophecy
invariably comes true in due course.

(18) IS YOUR EBULLIENT DESIRE SATISFIED?

Prev Next    In 1944-45, Atmakuri Govindachari and Bulusu
Sambamurthi came to the Ashram. The day before their
arrival, we all knew about it. I had known Sambamurthi
previously but was not sure he would remember me as he
had since become a prominent political leader. So I went to
the Ashram only at the usual hour. It seems Sambamurthi
and his friend had already arrived by train, had Bhagavan’s
darshan and had gone to their room within the Ashram
precincts. As soon as I prostrated before Bhagavan and got
up, he said, “Sambamurthi and others have come. Better go
and find out if they are comfortably lodged. They are in the
Ashram compound only.” I said, yes, and went there
accordingly. Both of them had by then finished their bath
and were getting ready to go to Bhagavan’s hall. Seeing me
Sambamurthi said, “Amma! So you yourself have come. I was
thinking of enquiring about you because your brother Seshadri
Sastri told me you were here. It is very good for you to be in
the Ashram.” So saying, he introduced me to Govindachari
and both of them started for Bhagavan’s darshan. I told them
that Bhagavan had sent me specially to find out if they were
all comfortable and if anything was needed. They said they
were quite comfortable. After we started, Govindachari went
to the office for some work there and, as Sambamurthi’s
eyesight was defective, I walked slowly by his side and led him
into the hall. He prostrated before Bhagavan, and then said,
“Swami, Nagamma’s elder brother, Seshadri, told me she is
here. We are all happy she is staying here. Is it possible for
people like me to have the privilege of living in your Ashram
under your benevolent care?” Bhagavan smiled and with a
nod of his head, requested him to be seated.

After he sat down, Govindachari took out a paper
containing some stotras in praise of Bhagavan and gave it to
him. Bhagavan looked around for me and, when I went up
to him, gave it to me to read. I read it as best I could in a
clear voice with suitable pauses so as to be understood by all
the people there. Sambamurthi was very pleased and told
Bhagavan that I had read it very nicely. With a tender look,
Bhagavan remarked, “Yes, yes. She does it even better if it is
prose. If I get any essays written by Chinta Dikshitulu and
others I ask only her to read out. When she reads, it looks as
if what is described therein is actually happening before our
eyes or is being spoken out in our presence.” How elated I
felt at that endearing description. God alone knows.
The visitors decided to leave the next day by the night
train. So the next morning I came earlier than usual,
prostrated before Bhagavan and, as Sambamurthi and his
friend had not come there by then, I went to their room.
While there, I incidentally mentioned to them that Bhagavan’s
handwriting was so good that the letters look like pearls. “Can
you show them to us?” they asked. “Oh, sure,” I said and
came to the hall a little in advance of them. I went straight to
the bookshelf near Bhagavan’s sofa to fetch the book
containing his handwriting. Bhagavan looked at me
enquiringly. “They want to see Bhagavan’s handwriting and
so I told them that I would show it,” I said. Bhagavan laughed
and said, “Is that so? But why show them all this?” I did not
know how I could summon enough courage but replied, “What
if they are shown? They want to see. I will show them and
bring the book back.” Accordingly I took out the Unnadi
Naluvadi and Upadesa Saram in the original. “Yes. All right.
You seem to have no other work.” Remarking thus, he began
looking into the daily newspapers which he was reading at
the time. I was overjoyed for the permission given. I showed
the books to the distinguished visitors who were just outside
the hall. They were very pleased and remarked that they had
this unique opportunity because of me. Soon after I brought
the books back and placed them in their usual place when
Bhagavan remarked, “Has your ebullient desire been
satisfied?” “How very happy they were!” I said. “So then you
would do likewise whenever anyone comes here, won’t you?”
asked Bhagavan. “No, only for those who are genuinely
interested.” So saying I went back to my seat. Bhagavan
resumed silence looking at me with paternal affection.

(19) ANGER AND RESENTMENT

Prev Next    A devotee asked me, “Anger and resentment may not
be visible outside but may be latent. Is there any harm in it?”
I then remembered an incident that happened in Bhagavan’s
presence in 1944-45. A lady devotee from Andhra Pradesh
came to the Ashram and stayed for some time. Her devotion
was of a peculiar nature. Her conception of Bhagavan was
that he was Lord Sri Krishna and she was a Gopika
(shepherdess). The devotees here however felt that such a
concept had no place here as Bhagavan was a brahmachari
from birth and a Jivanmukta. But then she would not keep
her view to herself but publicised it and even wrote to
Bhagavan accordingly. Bhagavan was as usual indifferent to
such writings. He however gave me those papers to read.

He remained untouched by all such trivialities but I could
not keep quiet after seeing such atrocious writings. So I
quietly rebuked the lady. She flared up and began writing
all sorts of nasty things about me. On seeing them Bhagavan
said laughingly, “Here are the papers from her. All about
you only,” and handed over the papers to me. I was
completely upset, but what to do? At last one day with tears
in my eyes I told Bhagavan, “I cannot read such letters any
longer and keep quiet. Let her damn herself. Please do not
give me her letters any more.” “All right. I won’t given them,”
said Bhagavan and stopped giving me her letters.
Some days later, that lady began tearing her clothes
and started running about in the streets shouting, perhaps
because of mental imbalance or deliberately. When Bhagavan
came to know of it he remarked, “Somebody must take pity
on her and do something, otherwise how can she get on?”
Taking it as an order, I spoke to a few of the well-to-do Andhra
devotees and with their help sent a telegram to her husband
and also arranged a person to look after her until the arrival
of her husband. In a few days her husband came and took
her away. Sometime later she sent registered notices to four
or five of us saying we had out of envy at her attaining siddhi
(deliverance) dubbed her as a mad person and that she
would file a suit against us for defamation. She followed it
up with a visit to the Ashram with her lawyer. When Bhagavan
explained to him all that had happened, the lawyer spoke
apologetically to us all and scolded her saying, “What
nonsense! Enough. Enough of it,” and left. Realising she
could not bluff any more, she also left for her native place in
Andhra Pradesh.
Subsequently, sometime in November 1949, I received
a letter from her enquiring about Bhagavan’s health, as she
had received alarming reports about his health. She wrote,
“I have heard that Bhagavan’s health is not satisfactory. Please
let me know how he is now. I had earlier written to you
abusive letters. I am sorry for what I had done. You are
really Bhagavan’s child. Please excuse me and favour me
with an immediate reply. I have given below my address.”
I informed Bhagavan about the letter. He simply said, “Is it
so?” and kept quiet for about three days. During those days
the usual graciousness in his look was absent whenever I
prostrated before him; instead he used to turn his face away
from me. It then occurred to me that the cause of his
displeasure was perhaps because of the internal impurity of
my mind in still harbouring ill-will towards that lady and
not replying to her. I therefore bought a postcard
immediately and wrote to her. “There is nothing particular
now to worry about Bhagavan’s health. I will write again in
case there is any cause for anxiety.” I posted the card and
came to Bhagavan. When I got up after prostrating before
him, he looked at me graciously. I told him that I had just
posted a reply to that Andhra lady. In a pleasant tone, he
remarked, “Yes, yes,” and calling Rangaswamy, Satyanandam
and other attendants that were there said, “Look. She has
written a letter to that Telugu lady. It seems that the lady
had stated in her letter to Nagamma, I had abused you some
time back but now I have realised my mistake. Please excuse
me and let me know about Bhagavan’s health.’ Nagamma
has just sent her a reply. So that lady has now expressed her
regret.” He thereafter turned towards me with a benign and
benevolent look. I was extremely happy and pleased. So this
is the result of living at the feet of the Guru — all the
impurities of the mind get washed away thus.
Narrating this incident I told that lady devotee from
Andhra Pradesh that renunciation can never be real if anger
and resentment remain in the mind. That lady wondered if
such impure thoughts occur even in the presence of Bhagavan
and if he would treat such people with sympathy and
tolerance. The saying that Mahatmas are Patitapavanas
(saviours of fallen people) has been illustrated in Bhagavan’s
presence. Though the lady had behaved senselessly,
Bhagavan always had compassion for her, and he made me
understand in his inimitable way that I should not harbour
any ill will towards her; he kept up a cool attitude towards
me until my anger and resentment towards that lady were
given up. What are we to say about his great compassion!

(20) HE IS A RAJA, ISN’T HE?

Prev Next    Servers in the kitchen usually devote special attention
to Bhagavan by serving him something more than they serve
to others. He notes such undue discrimination and tries to
dissuade them. Once post master Raja Iyer did so and
Bhagavan looked at him disapprovingly but did not say
anything at that time; and so Raja Iyer was continuing the
practice off and on.

One night palpayasam (milk pudding) was prepared and
Chinnaswami finding it particularly delicious, appeared to
have hinted to Raja to serve a little more than usual to
Bhagavan. So Raja served a little more. Bhagavan could not
tolerate it and burst out, “There! Again the same nonsense.
The same monkey tricks. Why do you serve me more than
what you serve others? When it comes to serving Bhagavan,
the ladle is immersed fully while it is immersed only half
when it is served to others. How often have I told you not to
do so? No one listens to my words. When the ladle is in his
hands the server thinks he is as powerful as the District
Collector and thinks he can do anything without fear. He is
the one who serves and we are the people to eat whatever he
serves. His hand is above and ours is below. We must act as
he pleases and eat as he decides and then lie low.” And
Bhagavan went on talking in that strain, severely rebuking
all the people concerned.
A few days later a parcel containing some medicine
addressed to Dr. Srinivasa Rao was received in the post office.
Dr. Srinivasa Rao happened to be out of town. The medicine
was ordered specially for the use of Bhagavan. Raja Iyer was
not however aware of it, and so retained it for the return of
Dr. Srinivasa Rao. Bhagavan’s personal attendants told Raja
Iyer that the parcel was intended for Bhagavan and
requested him to deliver it, but Raja declined to do so.
Bhagavan came to know of it. When I went to the Ashram
that afternoon, Bhagavan was saying, “Yes, sir, yes. He is
himself a Rajah; not a mere Rajah but Ginjee Rajah (Raja
Iyer belongs to a village called Ginjee and so is popularly
known as Ginjee Rajah); besides this, he is a post master.
However big people may be, they must go to him, otherwise
they will not get their letters properly, or even their money
orders and parcels. Hence people must be obliged to him,
must move around him with due respect and regard. That
being so, we have perhaps to go to him and tell him that the
medicine is meant for us and request him to deliver the parcel
to us. Who will do all that now? Don’t worry about it. Let us
forget.” As I was not aware of the matter, I could not follow
what was being said and so asked Krishnaswami what it was
all about. He told me all that had happened. Subsequently
on hearing about Bhagavan’s remarks, Raja came there with
the parcel and offered it with profuse apologies. It was
declined. When Dr. Srinivasa Rao returned he came to
Bhagavan with Raja and the parcel and prostrating before
Bhagavan pleaded to be excused. Then Bhagavan accepted
the parcel gracefully. After all, Bhagavan is a bhaktavatsala
(friend of devotees)!

(21) SECRETARY

Prev Next    In 1943-44, I began copying in a notebook verses in
Telugu which were lying scattered, and so Bhagavan was
giving me for copying whatever was received subsequently.

Incidentally, he was also discussing with me the affairs
relating to the printing of Telugu books. I was also looking
after the library, lending books and receiving them back.
As I was doing all this work, Bhagavan was calling me
frequently and entrusting me with some work or other.
Later on, I also commenced writing my Letters from Sri
Ramanasramam. Thus I came into closer contact with
Bhagavan than the other devotees.
Noting all this, one day Devaraja Mudaliar jocularly said,
“Nagamma is Bhagavan’s Telugu Secretary.” As I did not like
his saying so I protested saying, “My dear Sir, if you have any
regard for me, please keep it to yourself. Why all these
designations? After all, what is the work I am doing for
Bhagavan? Really speaking, what work is there for Bhagavan
to be done by me?” “That is not it, my dear sister. Is it not a
fact that whenever anything written in Telugu is received he
passes it on to you? You are looking after all the Telugu work.
So I am calling you his Telugu Secretary,” he said. I begged of
him not to call me that way but he would not listen. Finally
one day I told him, “Look. If you persist in calling me Secretary
I shall make you stand before Bhagavan and complain to him.”
I thought the threat would have the desired effect but was he
of the sort that could be so easily threatened?
The next morning after looking through the mail,
Bhagavan went out as usual and returned. While he was seated
leisurely on the sofa with Balarama Reddy opposite to him,
Devaraja Mudaliar suddenly came in, prostrated himself before
Bhagavan and after getting up said with a smile, “Bhagavan,
Nagamma says she will make me stand before you and impeach
me today.” Mudaliar with a further smile turned towards me
and said, “Yes. Start with your impeachment. I am now
standing before Bhagavan.” “So you have started it. All right.
What am I to do, Bhagavan. He teases me saying ‘Nagamma,
Secretary, Secretary.’ I requested him several times not to do
so but he ignores my entreaties. What great work has
Bhagavan got to require a Secretary?” No sooner had I said it
than Mudaliar laughed and said, “Yes. I did say so. It is based
on actual facts. Nagamma is the Telugu Secretary and
Muruganar Tamil Secretary to Bhagavan. What is wrong if I
say so?” He left the hall thereafter. Bhagavan merely laughed
and kept quiet.
Taking up the thread of the conversation, Balarama
Reddy remarked, “Bhagavan has no work whatsoever.
Where is the need for a Secretary?” “That is exactly what I
have been saying. When Bhagavan has no work to do where
is the need for two secretaries, Nagamma and Muruganar?
Whatever little work there is, we are doing it on our own to
satisfy ourselves; otherwise, where is any work worth
mentioning? I have told him several times that if he has any
opinion, to keep it to himself, but not give such high sounding
designations. He however persists. So I thought I should
bring the matter to the notice of Bhagavan hoping it would
have the desired effect on him. That is all.” Bhagavan laughed
and said, “I have already been dubbed as a man having no
work.” “Yes. That is just it. This is just like the saying, ‘A
person having no work has ten people working under him’,”
I said. We all had a hearty laugh. In spite of all that had
happened, Mudaliar did not give up calling me Secretary.

(22) I SEE, THAT IS THE REAL PURPOSE

Prev Next    When Bhagavan was living on the hill a pundit from a
place near Madurai used to visit him now and then. He wrote
a biography in Sanskrit called Ramaneeya Vilasa Mahakavyam
and handed it over to Bhagavan. It was not published even
after the present Ashram came into existence. Sometime after
I came here in 1945, or so, it was published by the Ashram.

As it was in Sanskrit, only a limited number of copies were
printed. Everyone here read it with interest. About that time,
Girdalur Sambasiva Rao happened to come here. So he too
read it. While reading it he noticed that there were nine
verses in it in praise of Bhagavan. So one afternoon when
there was no one near Bhagavan, he said that the nine verses
were very good and requested Bhagavan to copy them in
Telugu script. He left the book there and went away. At 2
p.m. when I went there and prostrated before Bhagavan as
usual, he beckoned to me to come near and showing me the
book said, “Look. In this biography written by Viswanatha
Sastri there are nine slokas in praise of me. Sambasiva Rao
wants them in Telugu script. He has requested me to copy
them out instead of getting it done through someone else.
Can you copy them for me?” “Yes. I shall do so carefully
noting what is in the book as I do not know Devanagari script
well. If I make any mistakes Bhagavan may correct them,” I
said. He gave me the book and the required papers for
copying and looked on as usual unconcerned as if his
responsibility had ceased.
With my limited knowledge of Devanagari script I
carefully copied the verses and gave them to Bhagavan the
next day. After going through them, he made one or two
corrections and handing over the papers back to me
instructed me to give them to Sambasiva Rao. On seeing the
papers, Sambasiva Rao exclaimed, “Ayyo! He gave the work
to you? I was hoping he himself would copy the slokas so that
I could preserve his handwritten papers with me. That is
why I made this request to him; otherwise, I could easily
have got this work done by somebody else.” I told him that I
did not know anything about it and that I was merely carrying
out Bhagavan’s instructions. He took the papers with great
disappointment. I came back and related to Bhagavan what
had happened. “I see! That is the real purpose. So he
somehow wanted some papers in my handwriting for
preserving them. That is what everyone does. Earlier I did
not mind such things. Now I cannot write properly. My hand
shakes as I write. What to do? It is because of my disability I
wanted you to copy it,” said Bhagavan.
A devotee pointing towards me said, “Is she now looking
after all Telugu work?” “Yes. yes. I stopped doing work
relating to the Telugu language after she came here. She is
looking after everything. Even though they know it, I do
not know why they ask me to copy anything in Telugu. It is
curious,” remarked Bhagavan.

(23) WILL NOT THIS TOO GO TO COURT?

Prev Next    Sometime in 1946-47, news was received to the effect
that the Mounaswami of Courtallam had attained samadhi
(final beatitude). On hearing it, Bhagavan told us about some
incident relating to him and his good nature. A new devotee
enquired, “Who is that swami actually? People say he is an
Andhra. Is that a fact?” Bhagavan replied, “Yes, yes, he is an
Andhra. His name in his purvashrama (the stage of life before
taking to sannyasa) was Sivayya. When he first came to see
me, I was in the Virupaksha Cave. Thereafter he came off
and on; quite a number of times I should think. Later on he
took to sannyasa, went to the south on a pilgrimage, reached
Courtallam in due course and then became a big swamiji.

He established a peetam (a monastery with temple) there.”
Rajagopala Iyer said, “He is reported to have acquired many
siddhis (occult powers). Is that a fact?” “Yes, It seems he was
making gold and showing it to others,” said another devotee.
Bhagavan kept quiet even though he was hearing all that
was being said.
For some days thereafter devotees continued
discussing the same matter amongst themselves in the
presence of Bhagavan. One day, a devotee remarked, “It
seems disputes have arisen over the ownership and control
of the peetam and its properties in Courtallam.” Another
devotee replied, “Yes, Yes. Disputes have arisen. It seems
the deceased swami made out a Will saying that only an
Andhra Niyogi brahmin should succeed as mathadhipathi (the
head of the peetam). The Tamilians disputed it saying, ‘After
all it was we Tamilians who have donated the properties to
the peetam and so we should have the right to decide about
the succession.’ The matter has gone to court.” “What! to
the court?” exclaimed Rajagopala Iyer and looking at
Bhagavan, said, “This matter has gone to court even though
there is a Will!” With a smile Bhagavan said, “Yes. It is so.
What else will happen if property is accumulated? Why?
Will not this also (meaning the Ramana Ashram) go to
court?” Folding his hands with great humility, Iyer
remarked, “We have a Will, don’t we?” “Yes sir, Yes. There
is a Will. First Chinnaswami, then Venkattu and thereafter
Sundaram, and so on, should manage according to the Will.
What of that? Will not this too go to court?” So saying
Bhagavan resumed silence.
The affairs of the peetam in Courtallam were ultimately
settled in accordance with the terms of the Will of the
Mounaswami. In the same manner here also after Bhagavan
left his body the question of the management of the Ashram
was taken to court and in due course the court decided that
the management should remain in the hands of the family
of Chinnaswami in accordance with the terms of the Will.
Even so, there is always some contest or other in courts. So
what Bhagavan has said has come true. How strange! The
words uttered by Mahatmas will never go wrong.

(24) TELL THEM AND SEE IF THEY CARE FOR YOUR WORDS

Prev Next    In August 1943, I shifted my residence from the town
to a house in Raju Chettiar’s compound in Ramana Nagar.

After coming to Tiruvannamalai, I got into the habit of taking
coffee in the mornings. At the new house, milk was being
supplied very late; sometimes as late as even 8 or 9 a.m. As
I had no work to do till then, I was going to the Ashram in
the early morning hours. A lady devotee who is rather
egoistic, was coming there earlier still. There used to be two
or three ladies also with her. While I was sitting somewhere
near the back door of the dining hall, they were sitting right
in front of the main door which was facing the bathroom of
Bhagavan. According to the existing practice, the bell for
the breakfast used to be rung as Bhagavan came out of the
bathroom and he went direct into the dining hall. Bhagavan
expressed several times his embarrassment about his going
in for breakfast while some devotees were waiting just
opposite to him without having had their breakfast: “Look
at that. While all those are standing there with empty
stomachs, not having even their morning coffee I feel
awkward in going in and eating sumptuously.” No serious
notice was taken of his remarks. One day, after having his
breakfast he was going out to the hill when he happened to
notice me standing at the back door. Grieved at it he
remarked, “See. Nagamma also is standing there. She does
not eat anything in the nights. She looks tired. She is not
able to have her morning coffee because the milkman comes
late. How could I eat heartily leaving all these people hungry?
What to do?” It seems he had remarked thus twice or thrice.
A few days later Ramakrishnaswami, Bhagavan’s
attendant, told me about this. “Ayyo! If only I had known that
this would cause some pain and embarrassment to Bhagavan,
I would never have come that side,” I said, and stopped going
to that side from that day onwards. I went to the Ashram only
after Bhagavan returned from his morning walk on the hill.
Ramakrishnaswami appears to have informed Bhagavan about
this, and so Bhagavan is reported to have said, “Oho! I see.
You have told Nagamma, all right. But tell the other ladies
and see what happens.” “Why not? I shall tell them and see
that they heed my words,” he said confidently. Accordingly
he spoke to them the next day. Are they the people to care for
him? Instead, they remonstrated with him saying, “Mind your
business. What do you lose if we stand here? We have not
come here for your coffee. This is all your fabrication.
Bhagavan will not say anything like that.” When Bhagavan
came to know about this, he had a hearty laugh. He said, “So
you have had it. You said that they would heed your words.
Are these people like Nagamma to take it in the right spirit?
If you say anything further, they will state that Bhagavan
himself had permitted them to stand there. Supposing you
say Bhagavan never permitted this, they will say he gave the
permission not verbally but in silence. If that too is disbelieved,
they will say Bhagavan told them so in a dream. What can
you do then? That is how they behave,” said Bhagavan.

(25) GURU PRASADAM*

Prev Next    One afternoon in 1945-46, I went to the Ashram late in
the afternoon. Devotees assembled there were munching
something. When enquired what it was, I was told that some
coconuts which were ripe had fallen on the ground, there was
ripe copra within which was very nice and so they were eating
it. “Is that so?” I said and went to Bhagavan. He too was eating
holding a portion of it in his left hand. As soon as he saw me he
said, “There she is. Nagamma has come. Give her also a portion.”
“Ayyo! it is all exhausted,” exclaimed those near him.

Normally if anyone brings something to eat during the
afternoons and it is over by the time I go to Bhagavan, it is
usual for Bhagavan to offer me a portion of what he has in
his hands, but as what he eats is usually very small quantity,
I respectfully decline to take it and go to the kitchen and
eat. I wanted to do the same thing this time also and looked
towards the kitchen. Noticing it Bhagavan called me and
said, “Listen. You won’t get this there, as it is all being
consumed here only. Come near. This is very tasty.” When I
went there as desired, Bhagavan gave me all that he had in
his hands. When I protested against his giving me away all
that he had, he said, “Never mind. I have already eaten a
lot. Your share only is the leftover.” I accepted it as a
mahaprasadam — an invaluable gift — and ate it with great
relish. To me it appeared like nectar. My delight knew no
* Prasad means food offered to God.
bounds as it was a prasadam received unsolicited from
Bhagavan’s own hands. My joy was indescribable.
Guroruchistam (the leftover of a Guru) is really this and not
what is left over from the guru’s plate or leaf after he eats.
This is perhaps what Bhagavan wanted to teach us that day.
While residing on the hill and also during the early
days of the Ashram, Bhagavan used to take part in kitchen
work and so devotees were at the time receiving prasadam at
his hands like this, but since my coming here this has not
happened. So on that day, when I received from Bhagavan’s
own hands a portion of what himself was eating, all felt that
it was my special good fortune — the result of my past births.

(26) SANNYASA FOR WOMEN

Prev Next    During 1946-47, the head of the Kamakoti Peetam came
to Arunachala on his tour and camped in one of the choultries
in the town. Arrangements for his public lectures were made
in the compound of Arunachala Temple and also in other
places. A number of pandits who had been accompanying
him were coming to the Ashram and several Ashramites were
visiting the peetam.

One day Kalluri Veerabhadra Sastri, a reputed Sanskrit
scholar and a capable exponent of sanatana dharma came to
see Bhagavan. As he had given discourses on Bhagavad Gita
for several months at my brother’s place in Madras, I knew
him well. On renewing our acquaintance, he asked me if I
had the darshan of Kamakoti Swami. As a matter of fact I had
no desire to see anybody else except Bhagavan. Even so I did
not like to mention that to him and so said casually, “Is it not a
fact that the Swami does not see people like me, i.e., brahmin
widows who have not removed the hair on their heads.” “Yes.
That is so, but you could see him from a distance during a
public meeting,” he said. I replied, “It is useful for sadhana if
one could go near and talk to elders like that but what use
could there be by merely seeing them from a distance?” He
agreed with me in that.
Later on, one morning I learnt that the Swami had started
for giripradakshina (circumambulating the hill) and that he would
pass by the Ashram as it was on the way. There was speculation
amongst the devotees whether he would step into the Ashram
or not. I did not like to get involved in those discussions and so
went and sat before Bhagavan.
At about 9 a.m. it was reported that the Swami was
nearing the Ashram, so all of them went out and waited at
the Ashram gate. Bhagavan and myself were the only people
that remained behind. Bhagavan asked me why I had not
gone along with them. I replied saying that since the Swami
did not see people like me (i.e., brahmin widows with hair on
their heads) I did not wish to create any embarrassment to
him or to those around him. Bhagavan nodded his head in
approval and with a look of compassion towards me remained
silent. A little later, the Swami with his followers stopped at
the Ashram gate for a while looked around and left. The
Ashramites came back and reported about it. That evening
at a public meeting, the Swami spoke at great length saying
that every head of a religious organisation has to observe
established traditions, while one who is an Athyasramite has
no such restrictions. An Avadhuta is such an Athyasramite and
to attain that state is very difficult, and that had been possible
only for a great soul like Ramana Maharshi.
Four or five days later Raju Sastri and other pandits
well versed in the Vedas and who were coming from town
daily for Veda Parayana before Bhagavan and Mahanyasam in
the Mother’s temple came a little earlier than usual and told
Bhagavan that they had been served orders from the Swami
prohibiting them from doing Mahanyasa Puja in Mother’s
temple saying, “Sannyasa for women is not permissible, that
the Mother’s Samadhi and the linga erected over it is against
the sastras, and so Mahanyasa Puja in the temple should not
be performed.” Thereupon Bhagavan said, “In Ramana Gita,
in reply to a question Visalakshmamma asked me through
Nayana, I have already given a suitable reply to this question,
namely, for those women who become parivrajakas through
the practice of jnana there is no prohibition either for sannyasa
or for samadhi. What more is there to be said now?” They
however enquired, “What reply should we give to that
Swami?” “Why are you concerned about all such arguments
and counter-arguments? So long as he is the head of that
peetam he must observe and practise the rules and regulations
of that peetam. He has therefore sent his prohibitory orders,
in the usual course. It is better we quietly continue our work.
Whoever amongst you want to come, may come; others may
keep away. Why raise all sorts of doubts?” said Bhagavan.
They were fully convinced of what Bhagavan had said
and continued to perform Veda Parayana and Mahanyasa Puja
as before. I give hereunder Visalakshmamma’s question and
the explanation contained in the Ramana Gita, XIII Chapter:
If obstacles confront women that abide in the Self, does
the sastras sanction their renouncing the home and
becoming ascetics?
Sloka 5
If a woman, liberated while alive, happens to shed her
body, what is the proper thing to do, cremation or burial?
Sloka 6
Bhagavan, the great Sage, Knower of the import of all the
Scriptures, listened to the two questions and gave his decision:
Sloka 7
Since there is no such prohibition in the sastras, there is
nothing wrong in women abiding in the Self and fully
ripe becoming ascetics.
Sloka 8
As in mukti and jnana there is no difference between man
and woman, the body of a woman liberated during life is
not to be cremated, for it is a temple.
Sloka 9
Whatever evils are said to follow the cremation of the body
of a man liberated during life will follow even when the
body of a woman liberated during life is cremated.
Sloka 10

(27) GODDESS KALI

Prev Next    After the fourth surgery in 1949, Bhagavan shifted to
the small room opposite the temple, now known as the Nirvana
Room. As the space therein is very limited, devotees were not
allowed to sit there in his presence as before. Hence I was
wandering aimlessly between the Ashram and my house. One
afternoon while I was thus wandering about with growing
anxiety about Bhagavan’s health, I noticed some commotion
in the temple of Goddess Kali, which is situated on the roadside
between my house and the Ashram. I thought that some special
puja was being performed. When, however, I heard the
bleatings of a goat, I felt it must be the killing of the goat by
way of sacrifice. Such cries used to be heard quite often even
before while I was resting in my house, but I did not pay any
particular attention to them. Now that Bhagavan’s health was
causing great anxiety, I felt those cries of goats were bad omens
and began wondering why such animal sacrifices were being
performed so close to the Ashram.

With these thoughts in my mind I went to the Ashram,
made the usual enquiries about Bhagavan’s health and while
returning home noticed that the idol of Goddess Kali was
dripping with blood and presenting a rather ghastly sight.
There was no one nearby at the time and perhaps because of
that, I began to shudder and perspire with fear. I thought
within myself, “Oh God! Why this slaughter of innocent
animals, and that too in the midst of a residential locality? Is it
proper to allow this barbarous practice in the name of religion
in the holy neighbourhood of an Ashram? More so when
Bhagavan’s health was bad.” I felt that those sacrifices must
be stopped at any cost and so the same evening I contacted a
number of devotees and expressed to them my feelings in the
matter. I suggested that some steps should be taken to put a
stop to these practices. They all said, “Oh no! The worshippers
of Kali are adepts in tantric practices and if we say anything
adverse, they may turn against us their tantric powers and
harm us. It is best to keep away from them.” Thus no one
ventured to take any initiative in the matter. I waited for two
or three days and as the sacrifices were on the increase and
the bleatings of the goats heart-rending, I thought I had no
alternative but to approach Bhagavan for advice and guidance.
So I told Krishnaswami and other personal attendants of
Bhagavan one morning about this. That afternoon when there
was no one else with Bhagavan, I went to him, prostrated and
stood up before him. He looked at me enquiringly. Nervously
I said, “Goats are being sacrificed at the local Kali temple and
it is a ghastly scene. It was not so bad before. The bleatings of
the poor goats are possibly heard in this room also. It is heart-
rending. I am unable to bear the sight of blood dripping on
the idol of the goddess Kali.” With a tender look towards me
Bhagavan said, “Yes, the bleatings are heard here also, but
nobody takes any action in the matter. What to do?” I told
him that I had contacted a number of devotees and expressed
my grief over the slaughter of the animals at a place so close
to the Ashram and suggested that they should take some action
to prevent it but they were all afraid of the worshippers of
Kali who were well versed in tantric practices and black art. I
also told him that there was a legislation prohibiting animal
sacrifices in residential areas and that our area had recently
developed and so some action might be taken. I also told him
that if other devotees did not join me in protesting against
these practices, I myself would take up the matter if Bhagavan
permitted me. After hearing me patiently, Bhagavan said, “To
ask the devotees is no good. Let us see if the worshippers
heed to our protests. There is no need to be afraid of speaking
to them about this.” When Bhagavan spoke thus, I felt I had
been given the strength of an elephant. I returned home and
sat up to write seven or eight verses in praise of Goddess Kali
the purport of which is: “Oh Mother! this is a place where
your son Ramana is living. Why are you assuming your rajasic
and tamasic form instead of the sattvic? If you are really fond
of having flesh as an offering, why not take the sacrifice of my
head? Is it proper for you to take the sacrifice of dumb animals?
If you are hungry have you not got coconuts, fruit and
sweetmeats? There is pongal also. Please heed my prayers and
be satisfied with sattvic food and give up taking rajasic and
tamasic food. Not only myself but your son, Ramana, also feels
sad and is grieved on hearing the slaughtered goat’s bleatings.”
I sat up the whole night and wrote some more verses in the
same strain. At daybreak I told my landlord, Raju Chettiar,
about these sacrifices and Bhagavan’s remarks. Through his
good offices we sent for the temple priests and spoke to them
in a very convincing manner that it might have been in order
to perform animal sacrifices when this locality was deserted
with no human habitation around, but now that the place was
full of people who had constructed houses and had started
living in them, these sacrifices must stop. We told them even
Bhagavan was grieved over what was happening. At first they
demurred and started offering excuses. Thereupon I told
them that the District Collector and other government officials
were due to visit the Ashram shortly and if they persisted in
their activities, I would bring the matter to their notice, as
there was legislation against such sacrifices in residential areas.
Out of fear of the law and the government officers, or of
Bhagavan, they stopped the sacrifices forthwith. I got some
signposts made at my expense and had them exhibited there
prominently. Bhagavan was pleased when I told him all that
had happened. With a look of approval he said, “That is good.
This has been happening for a long time. No one has taken
any interest in the matter. It was getting worse from day to
day. What to do? It has stopped at last.”
From that time onwards animal sacrifices have ceased
at that temple. Worship is being conducted with sattvic
offerings. Everyone felt it was the strength of the will of
Bhagavan that made me carry out this mission successfully.

(28) ENDURANCE

Prev Next    In the Preface of this book I had already mentioned
that in February 1976, I had surgery for cancer in Madras
and thereafter I went to Bangalore and Bombay for rest
and recuperation. It then looked as if I had recovered normal
health. However in February 1977, pain behind the left arm
developed and gradually extended up to the neck. People
said that it might be only some rheumatic pain. I had
however my own doubts.

My sister’s son, Dr. G. R. N. Sastri who was then working
as a senior executive in the Indian Petro-Chemical
Corporation, Baroda, invited me to his place for a change
and so I went there. After about a month, the pain increased
greatly and a lump appeared in the place where I was originally
operated upon. The local doctors declared that it was due to
the Cobalt treatment I had after surgery and it might disappear
after a while; instead it went on increasing and along with it
the pain also. I had therefore no alternative but to return to
Bombay for expert treatment.
In Bombay, cancer specialists were consulted. After
elaborate tests, they declared that the lump was cancerous
in nature, that further surgery could not be thought of and
that the only hope lay in Cobalt treatment, though success
was very doubtful. Cobalt treatment was immediately given
and as that too was found of little use, it was stopped. The
case was given up by all allopathic doctors as hopeless and
beyond any cure. In the meantime, there was excruciating
pain despite taking sedatives. That was during the month
of May 1977.
As there was no hope of cure by medication, I prayed
to Bhagavan day and night to give me the strength to bear
the pain stoically, I also wrote some appealing verses. Prayer
and meditation were my only refuge. My strength gradually
decreased and I became almost bedridden. As suitable
arrangements for nursing me at Bombay could not be made,
my nephew, G. R. Sarma, decided to take me to Bangalore
by air and actually bought the ticket for me.
It was at that juncture, Ashram President Sri T. N.
Venkataraman and his wife who happened to come to Bombay
to see their son who was working there, called on me along
with Sri R. Venkataraman and his wife at about 3 p.m. on
14th May, 1977. Sri R. Venkataraman is the Controller of
Defence Accounts in Bombay and a great devotee of Bhagavan.
He practises homeopathy as a hobby. They were all very much
grieved at the great suffering and agony I was experiencing.
I formally handed over to the President the paper containing
my prayers to Bhagavan for relief of my pain. Seeing the sad
situation, ri R. Venkataraman took my son-in-law, Sri S. R.
Avadhani, aside and enquired if he could try homeopathic
treatment. As allopathic doctors had already given up the case
as hopeless, we were ourselves thinking of trying homeopathy
and so the offer appeared to us providential. We readily
consented to it. It appeared to us as if Bhagavan himself had
sent Venkataraman, one of his devotees, specially for the
purpose of treating me. Venkataraman prepared the medicine
that night itself and, as his house was very near ours, came to
us the next morning and started his treatment. That was on
Sunday, the 15th May 1977.
From that day onwards, he came once or twice a day and
tried one medicine after another. The pain increased
considerably in the initial stages and the lump burst open. Taking
it as a favourable indication, he continued his treatment until,
with Bhagavan’s grace, the pain began to decrease gradually.
Meanwhile a Parsi devotee came to me and told me incidentally
that his wife died of cancer but that there was a Tibetan doctor
whose medicine was reported to be particularly effective in
cancer cases. That medicine could not however be used in his
wife’s case as her ailment was by then too far advanced. He said
that there was a special representative of that Tibetan doctor in
Bombay and that he would bring him to my place. Two days
later, P. V. Somasundaram, Arunachala Bhakta Bhagavata from
New York and another devotee from Canada came to see me.
At the same time the representative of the Tibetan doctor also
came. The latter examined me and said that his master did not
treat patients without seeing them personally, that he was at
the time in Tibet and that I should go over there or arrange for
his coming to Bombay. I exclaimed, “Oh! Going to Tibet! I am
getting ready to go on a Kailasa yatra and am waiting for the
final call of Ishwara. I am satisfied with the present treatment
by a devotee of Bhagavan.”
Two or three days later, the devotee from Canada,
Somasundaram and some other devotees came and though I
was suffering acute pain insisted on my reading something
which they recorded for their use in Canada. By the 10th of
June there was such relief from pain that I gained enough
strength to go out for a walk. When I told Venkataraman that
I was getting ready for a Kailasa yatra and he had upset all my
plans, he coolly said that as his medicine had worked, he was
sending me instead on an Arunachala yatra. I do not know
whether it was due to his great devotion to Bhagavan or it
was due to Bhagavan’s grace working through him, the lump
became smaller and smaller and the pain gradually decreased.
I gained strength from day to day and began to move about
freely as of old. Devotees in Bombay who had seen me earlier
were emphatically of the opinion that the cure was nothing
short of a miracle. And the eminent doctors of Bombay who
had examined me earlier could hardly believe it.
I remained in Bombay till September 1977 when in the
company of my relatives I went to Vijayawada, stayed there for
about two months, vacated my house “Ramana Sadanam” and
came away to Madras. It so happened that Sri R. Venkataraman
had by then been transferred to Madras and so I took all the
required medicines from him, showed the manuscripts of these
Smrutulu to my brother, D.S. Sastri, and reached Arunachalam
on the night of 27th November, 1977. Early next morning,
I went to the Ashram and prostrated before Bhagavan’s samadhi.
It was indeed miraculous that one who was getting ready for a
Kailasa yatra should have come to Arunachala yatra and could
once again prostrate before Bhagavan’s samadhi. Destiny
appeared to have played a great part, and I am having the
good fortune of staying in the Ashram once again and writing
my reminiscences at the bidding of the Ashram authorities.
The manuscript I had written has been fair-copied by
one of the devotees and got ready for printing. On this
auspicious day of Makara Sankranthi, I placed the
manuscripts, as my humble offering, at the lotus feet of Sri
Ramana Bhagavan.
OM NAMO BHAGAVATE SRI RAMANAYA
Sri Ramanasramam Suri Nagamma
14-1-1978

Om Tat Sat

My humble salutations to the lotus feet of Bhagavan Sree Ramana Maharshi
and also gratitude to great philosophers and others     for the collection)