Day by Day with Bhagavan
Day by Day with Bhagavan
________
16-3-45 Morning
A visitor: Should I give up my business and take to
reading books on Vedanta?
Bhagavan: If the objects have an independent existence,
i.e., if they exist anywhere apart from you, then it may be
possible for you to go away from them. But they don’t exist
apart from you; they owe their existence to you, your thought.
So, where can you go, to escape them? As for reading books
on Vedanta, you may go on reading any number of them. They
can only tell you, ‘Realise the Self within you’. The Self cannot
be found in books. You have to find it out for yourself, in
yourself.
Evening
Almost the same question was put by another visitor in
the afternoon and Bhagavan said, “Where can you go, fleeing
from the world or objects? They are like the shadow of a man,
which the man cannot flee from. There is a funny story of a
man who wanted to bury his shadow. He dug a deep pit and,
seeing his shadow at the bottom, was glad he could bury it so
deep. He went on filling the pit and when he had completely
filled it up he was surprised and disappointed to find the
shadow on top. Even so, the objects or thoughts of them will
be with you always, till you realise the Self.”
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17-3-45 Afternoon
Mr. T.P. Ramachandra Aiyar asked Bhagavan about the
meaning of Ao I° in the stanza of ‘Ds[Õ SôtTÕ’
(Reality in Forty Verses).
B: Ao I° means ¨û\kR I°. It refers to that light
of manas in which we see all the world, both the known and
the unknown of the world. There is first the white light, so to
call it, of the Self, which transcends both light and darkness.
In it no object can be seen. There is neither seer nor seen.
Then there is total darkness or avidya in which also no objects
are seen. But from the Self proceeds a reflected light, the light
of pure manas, and it is this light which gives room for the
existence of all the film of the world which is seen neither in
total light nor in total darkness, but only in the subdued or
reflected light. It is this light which is referred to in the stanza.
18-3-45
On or about 15-3-45 Bhagavan had asked someone in the
hall to read aloud Bhakta Vijayam, to illustrate from the story
of Tulasi Das, how one totally immersed in sensual life,
suddenly recoils and goes to the other extreme of a highly
religious life. In the story, Tulasi Das runs away from wife and
home and is mad after Hari at Banaras. The wife and mother
go and entreat him to come back, reminding him of his great
love for them all. He takes no notice of them at all, but asks
them, “Has my Hari come? Yes. He is coming there!” etc. He
was mad after Hari alone and took interest in nothing else. When
this portion was being read out, Bhagavan said, “I was somewhat
like this at Madura. Going to school, books in hand, I would be
eagerly desiring and expecting that God would suddenly appear
before me in the sky; and so I would be looking up at the sky.
What sort of progress could such a one make in his studies at
school!”
2
[This was apparently shortly before he left Madura. I
have never heard before, either from Bhagavan or from others,
that he was so God-mad at Madura. So I record it here.]
19-3-45 Morning
A visitor from Sind, very probably Kundanlal A.
Mahatani of Hyderabad, Sind, (now Pakistan) asked: “It is
said the world and the objects that we see are all unreal, like
the snake in the rope. It is also stated in other places that the
seer and the seen are the same. If the seer and the seen are
same, then how can we say that the seen is unreal?”
B.: All that is meant is that the seen regarded as an
independent entity, independent of the Self, is unreal. The
seen is not different from the seer. What exists is the one Self,
not a seer and a seen. The seen regarded as the Self is real.
V.: It is said the world is like a dream. But there is this
difference between dream and the waking state. In dream I
see my friends or relations and go through some experiences
with them. When I wake up and ask those friends or relations
whom I met in the dream about the dream, they know nothing
about it. But in the waking state what I see and hear is
corroborated by so many others.
B.: You should not mix up the dream and the waking
states. Just as you seek corroboration about the waking state
experiences from those whom you see in the waking state,
you must ask for corroboration about the dream experiences
from those whom you saw in the dream state, i.e., when you
were in the dream. Then in the dream, those friends or relations
whom you saw in the dream would corroborate you.
The main point is, are you prepared when awake to affirm
the reality of any of your dream experiences? Similarly, one who
has awakened into jnana cannot affirm the reality of the waking
experience. From his viewpoint, the waking state is dream.
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V.: It is said only some are chosen for Self-realisation
and those alone could get it. It is rather discouraging.
B.: All that is meant is, we cannot by our own buddhi,
unaided by God’s grace, achieve realisation of Self.
I added, “Bhagavan also says that even that grace does
not come arbitrarily, but because one deserves it by one’s own
efforts either in this or in previous lives.”
V.: Human effort is declared to be useless. What incentive
can any man then have to better himself?
I asked, “Where is it said you should make no effort or
that your effort is useless?”
The visitor thereupon showed the portion in Who am I?
where it is said, “When there is one great Force looking after
all the world, why should we bother what we shall do?” I
pointed out that what is deprecated there is not human effort,
but the feeling that “I am the doer”. Bhagavan approved of
my explanation, when I asked him if it was not so.
Afternoon
Bhagavan said he once had a dream that he went to Palni
and that he then devoured the Palni God (Lord Subramanya);
and that he had at another time a dream that he visited
Tiruchendur temple (where also the deity is Lord Subramanya).
The details of this dream Bhagavan does not remember.
I remembered that some people once wanted to know if a
jivanmukta can have dreams. The doubt is natural, because we
believe jnanis have no sleep like ordinary men. So they may not
have dreams. I therefore asked Bhagavan about this matter, and
he said, “If the jnani can have a waking state, what is the difficulty
about his having a dream state? But of course as his waking state
is different from the ordinary man’s waking state, so his dream
state also will be different from the ordinary man’s dream state.
Whether in waking or in dream he will not slip from his real
state which is sometimes called the fourth or turiya state.”
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24-3-45 Afternoon
I was reading Vichara Sangraha (Self Enquiry). I came
across the statement that something in the heart Sôu Sôu
Fuß v׬jÕd ùLôi¥Úd¡\Õ, i.e., something is shining
or sounding as ‘I-I’ in the heart. I have always had doubt what
exactly the word sphurana means. So I asked Bhagavan and
he said, “It means ‘®[eÏYÕ or ®[dÏYÕ’ i.e., which
shines or illuminates.” I asked, “Is it not a sound we hear?”
Bhagavan said, “Yes, we may say it is a sound we feel or
become aware of”. He also referred to the dictionary and said,
“The word means ‘throbbing’, ‘springing on the memory’,
‘flashing across the mind’. Thus both sound and light may be
implied in the word sphurana. Everything has come from light
and sound.”
I asked Bhagavan what it is that ‘shines’, whether it is
the ego or the Self. He said it was neither the one, nor the
other, but something in between the two, that it is something
which is a combination of the ‘I’ (Self) and the ‘I-thought’
(ego), and that the Self is without even this sphurana.
Explaining how the Self is mere light and how it is both
the word or sound and also that out of which word or sound
originally came, Bhagavan said, “Man has three bodies, the
gross one made of the five elements, the sukshma or subtle
one made of manas and prana, and the jiva. Similarly even
Iswara has three bodies. All the manifested universe is His
gross body, light and sound are His sukshma body, and the
Self His jiva.”
25-3-45 Afternoon
One P. Sri Krishniah of Peddapalayam, near Tenali,
came to the Asramam on the 22nd and started reading with
Bhagavan’s permission a small work on the life of
Dhanurdasa (©sû[ D\eLô ®p- N¬j§Wm),
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composed by him in Telugu verse and dedicated to
Bhagavan. The dedication is both humorous and touching,
the poem being regarded as a virgin offered to Bhagavan
for marriage, as kanyadana is considered the best gift. He
seems to have written the dedication first and later
composed the work. Thus he chose his son-in-law before
he begot his daughter and in the end of his dedication he
says, “You have already wedded mukti. Please take this
girl of mine also and treat her kindly and well, correcting
her faults and ignoring her weaknesses. I cannot ask you
to go over to our house, though you have become my sonin-
law, as so many Rajahs and others are always coming to
you here for your darshan.” He also says, “By this marriage
of my vaishnava daughter to Bhagavan, advaita and
visishtadvaita have become wedded.”
He read the dedication once again on the 25th afternoon
and also read out his parting or farewell song of which the
following is a free translation: “For men like us, various desires
often occur. Some get fulfilled, others not. Here all my desires
got their satisfaction. One of my desires was to compose a life
of Dhanurdasa in verse, another was to come here in company
with my friends and relations and to offer the hand of my girl
(the poem) to you, a third was to eat to my satisfaction in your
company at the above marriage feast, a fourth was to stay here
a few days and feast my eyes on a sight of you. All these together
I got, by virtue of your grace. Please give me leave to depart.
Oh, one of pure life! What magic have you stored in this form
of yours, that those who have seen it become entranced? What
power have you instilled in this air, that it is able to ward off all
distress? What drug have you mixed in the water of this place
that it is able to subdue all ailments? What powder of
enchantment have you spread over these premises that those
who come here feel reluctant to depart? You alone can know
your greatness. However long we may remain, the feet will not
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move to depart from here. What can I do? Please grant me
leave to depart, purushottama (best among men).”
31-3-45
One night, a few days ago, after supper, when Bhagavan
was resting on his cot in the verandah, east of his hall,
something funny took place. He was facing south. Chadwick
was sitting behind Bhagavan’s back. Soon after Bhagavan took
his seat and leaned on the cushions, Chadwick from behind
stealthily and unnoticed fanned Bhagavan. When Bhagavan
turned and looked, Chadwick withdrew the fan and remained
still. When Bhagavan turned his face south, Chadwick resumed
fanning again. Bhagavan turned round and Chadwick stopped.
Bhagavan was left wondering how he got the breeze.
Chadwick then laughed out and Bhagavan joined in the
laughter. This shows how even with such an eminent Master
a devotee can play and both can enjoy the joke like children.
Afternoon
It seems a visitor, the Raja of Sivaghar in U.P., told
Bhagavan that he had surrendered himself to Bhagavan and
Bhagavan should give him jnana. Bhagavan referred to an article
on Nama Dev’s insistence on the importance of the Lord’s name,
in the September 1937 issue of Vision, where it is pointed out
that only when the ‘I’, the ego, is surrendered the significance
of the Lord’s name will be realized. When I entered the hall the
story of how Ashtavakra Gita came to be taught was being
recounted in English, for the benefit of the above Raja and other
visitors. After the story was read out, Bhagavan said, “Because
Brahma jnana is not something external, which is somewhere
far away where you can go and get it, you cannot say that it
will take so long or so short a time to attain it. It is always with
you. You are That! The story of Ashtavakra Gita is intended to
teach that for getting Brahma jnana all that is necessary is to
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surrender yourself completely to the guru, to surrender your
notion of ‘I’ and ‘mine’. If these are surrendered, what remains
is the Reality. Then, it becomes impossible to state what further
time it would take to attain Brahma jnana. It would be wrong
to state that it takes as much time as a man would require to put
his other foot into the second stirrup after having placed one
foot in the first stirrup. The moment when ego is completely
surrendered, the Self shines.”
Proceeding, Bhagavan quoted the last two lines of the
following stanza from Yoga Vasishta: “Sôù]àm ùTôÚsLô
÷úRôo Oô]Yô LôVe Lô÷o. Sôù]àm ùTôÚ}d
LiúPôo Oô]Yô LôV UôYôo; Sôù]à ULeLôWeLs
Oô]®i U§ûVê¥ öù]m TWU YômT ]uUXo
®¬VôRuú\.” which state that unless the cloud of the ‘I’ or
‘ego-sense’ which covers the moon of the Divine consciousness
(chidakasa) is removed, the lily of the heart which knows nothing
of the sense of ‘I’ (ahankara) will not open out in full bloom.
Bhagavan also added, “We have to contend against agelong
samskaras. They will all go. Only, they go
comparatively soon in the case of those who have already
made sadhana in the past, and late in the case of the others.”
In this connection I asked, “Do these samskaras go gradually
or will they suddenly disappear one day? I ask this, because
though I have remained fairly long here I do not perceive
any gradual change in me.” Bhagavan asked, “When the sun
rises, does the darkness go gradually or all at once?”
Another visitor asked, “How to conquer passions?”
Bhagavan said, “If the passions are something external to us
we can take arms and ammunition and conquer them. They
all come from within us. If, by looking into the source whence
they issue, we see that they don’t come out of us, we shall
conquer them. It is the world and the objects in it that arouse
our passions. But the world and these objects are only created
by our mind. They don’t exist during our sleep.”
8
After all this talk Bhagavan drank a little water from his
kamandalam and turning to his attendant enquired whether
he had already drunk some water (i.e., after he returned to the
hall about 3-30 P.M.). The attendant said ‘yes’, and thereupon
Bhagavan said he had forgotten it, and to make sure he drank
some again. He further added, almost in an unguarded
moment, as he rarely gives expression to such experiences of
his, that sometimes he does not even know whether it is
morning, mid-day or evening and has to look at the clock and
try to remember before he knows what time of day it is. On
one occasion, he has told me that he scratched his skin, where
there was eczema once, as we scratch during sleep. And once
when I was concerned over some physical pain of his, he told
me he feels that pain ‘LödLiPôtúTôp’, i.e., it was a
passing and faint experience like that in a dream. These are
clues to the sort of life Bhagavan leads in our midst, seeming
to act and move and feel as we do, but really living in a world
of his own where the things we experience don’t exist.
5-6-45 Afternoon
Myself, Harindranath Chattopadhyaya, G.V. Subbaramayya
and T. P. Ramachandra Aiyar were sitting in the front row just
opposite Bhagavan in the hall and G.V.S. said to H.C. “I recently
came across a typed copy of some of your verses made at
Aurobindo Ashram, with Sri Aurobindo’s notes on the margin
highly commending some verses.” Thereupon H.C. told
Bhagavan, “I stayed at Aurobindo’s Ashram for two years and I
then made about 4000 sonnets and a poem of 50,000 lines plus
other poetry.” Apparently the fact that H.C. had been at
Aurobindo’s Ashram before for two years was news to Bhagavan,
though it was not to some of us. This is the third visit of H.C. to
Bhagavan. H.C. then gave us a recitation of two of his earliest
poems and one out of those made at Pondicherry. They are given
below. Bhagavan enjoyed the recitation.
9
THE EARTHEN GOBLET
(A conversation between the poet and the goblet)
“O silent goblet! red from head to heel,
How did you feel
When you were being twirled
Upon the Potter’s wheel
Before the Potter gave you to the world?”
I felt a conscious impulse in my clay
To break away
From the great Potter’s hand
That burned so warm.
I felt a vast
Feeling of sorrow to be cast
Into my present form.
Before that fatal hour
That saw me captive on the Potter’s wheel
And cast into this crimson goblet-sleep,
I used to feel
The fragrant friendship of a little flower
Whose root was in my bosom buried deep.
The Potter has drawn out the living breath of me,
And given me a form which is the death of me;
My past unshapely natural state was best,
With just one flower flaming through my breast.
PITCHERS OF CLAY
Outside the Potter’s shop upon the way
In patient rows we stand, pitchers of clay —
Under a copper-clouded sky of gold
Expecting every moment to be sold.
Although we have no language, yet we feel
A bitterness towards the Potter’s wheel
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Which moulded us, what though without a flaw,
To shape, which is against our being’s law.
Pitchers are beautiful and yet, indeed,
Even from beauty we would all be freed
And, slipping into Earth, secure escape
From the enchanted tyranny of shape.
Some of us pitchers, tired of being, drop
And break to pieces in the Potter’s shop.
Pathetic things! What does the Potter care
For the pale weariness of Earthenware?
SHAPER SHAPED
In days gone by I used to be
A potter who would feel
His fingers mould the yielding clay
To patterns on his wheel;
But now, through wisdom lately won,
That pride has died away,
I have ceased to be the potter
And have learned to be the clay.
In other days I used to be
A poet through whose pen
Innumerable songs would come
To win the hearts of men;
But now, through new-got knowledge
Which I hadn’t had so long,
I have ceased to be the poet
And have learned to be the song.
I was a fashioner of swords,
In days that now are gone,
Which on a hundred battle-fields
Glittered and gleamed and shone;
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But now that I am brimming with
The silence of the Lord
I have ceased to be a sword-maker
And learned to be the sword.
In by-gone days I used to be
A dreamer who would hurl
On every side an insolence
Of emerald and pearl.
But now that I am kneeling
At the feet of the Supreme
I have ceased to be the dreamer
And have learned to be the dream.
_____
After this I asked H.C. to recite before Bhagavan (or rather
act as on the stage) a piece from a play of his in which a docklabourer
groaning under his work bursts out into a complaint.
H.C. did so and all saw how moving a good recitation can be.
After a while H.C. asked Bhagavan, “How is it, Bhagavan, we
sometimes feel choked with tears in Bhagavan’s Presence?”
Bhagavan smiled and kept quiet. I said, “It is a good thing if
one’s tears gush forth like that and even of Bhagavan it is
recorded that when he used to go and stand before the image in
the temple at Madura, before he came here, tears used to flow
involuntarily out of his eyes, not as the result of any joy or pain,
but purely out of bhakti.” Bhagavan was thereupon kind enough
to add, “Even after coming here such a thing has happened.
Even on reading or hearing touching passages from books such
a thing has happened. Apparently a stock of emotional tears is
latent in so many of us, so that at any opportune moment, or on
the slightest provocation, they well out without any control on
our part.” Then Bhagavan narrated, very dramatically as is usual
with him, an incident which occurred when he was about 22
and living in the Virupakshi Cave. It seems he was sitting on a
rock near the cave and a boy of about 8 or 10 years came there,
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looked at Bhagavan and, not being able to bear the sight of
such a young and bright person taking to such a hard life of
penance, was so moved to compassion that he started to sob
and sobbed violently for some time. Bhagavan said, “Who could
say what was the reason for his sobbing and why tears flowed
out of him merely at his seeing me?” Bhagavan continued in a
reminiscent mood later in the day and added that another boy,
also about 8 or 10 years old, met Bhagavan another day in his
Virupakshi cave days and took such pity on Bhagavan that the
following conversation took place between them. Bhagavan was
sitting on a rock near the cave, all alone, and the boy came and
met him there.
Boy: Why are you here, all alone, like this?
Bhagavan: I had some trouble at home and so have come
away like this.
Boy: Then how about your food?
Bhagavan: I eat if anybody gives me anything to eat.
Boy: I have a good master. I shall take you to him. First,
you may have to volunteer your services free. If he approves
of your work, he will give you three pies a day and gradually
he will increase it to six pies, and so on.
Bhagavan: Yes, please do so.
Bhagavan added, “There was no doubt that the boy was
very much concerned over what he considered my sad plight
and that he was moved by great and genuine pity.”
Bhagavan also recalled the incident in which an old
Harijan woman, one day about noon time, accosted Bhagavan
on one of his rambles on the rough jungle path down the hill
and remarked, “Du{l TôûP«úX ûYdL! IúW BPj§úX
£Yú] ùVuß BÚdLdáPôRô?”. (“A curse on you! Why
can’t you stay quiet in a place?”)
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Bhagavan said, “Yes, this is very good advice,” and also
slapped his own cheeks, as if in punishment for not having
known what the woman taught then.
Relating the above incident, Bhagavan said that, when
first the old woman began abusing him, he could not
understand how he deserved it and was dumbfounded as to
what offence he could have given to the woman.
This made Mr. T.S. Rajagopal recall an article by one
Miss Souris in a Telugu journal called Bharati. For the benefit
of Harindranath Chattopadhyaya and some others who were
new to it, Bhagavan again related the incident to the merriment
of all of us.
Bhagavan said, “One day the Mauni brought the tapals
(post) as usual. I left the papers and magazines on the couch
and was looking at the letters. After showing the tapals to
me, Mauni left the hall and took the Bharati number with
him, saying he would read it and bring it back. After a little
time he came back, left the magazine on my couch and was
going out. While near the door, he suddenly said, ‘What a
thief is Bhagavan!’ and before I could ask why he said so, he
had gone. I was wondering what I could have done to have
made the Mauni reproach me like that. It sort of rankled in
my mind. And only after I read the article in the Bharati and
came to the very last sentence in it, which was ‘Oh, what a
thief is Bhagavan!’ I could understand the joke.”
23-8-45 Morning 10 a.m.
Mr. Kundanlal Mahatani, of Karachi, who has been
staying here for about eight months, asked Bhagavan for direct
upadesa, urging that all the books emphasise that nothing can
be achieved by anybody except with the help of upadesa from
a guru and that though he has read all the directions given by
Bhagavan for Self-enquiry and attaining stillness of mind
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where God can be realised as ‘I’, he still did not know what
was the best method for him individually. This was not the
first time he had made such a request. At least twice before,
once in June and again in July, he had done so. Neither then
nor now did Bhagavan make any reply. The gentleman was
very much dejected and was worried whether he was not fit
to receive any reply and whether he had committed any offence
on account of which Bhagavan was not pleased to reply.
Later in the day, in the evening, Bhagavan in connection
with some other matter, referred to a Tamil poem, and to look at
a translation of it, Mr. Mahatani borrowed my note book on 24-
8-45. As often happens to devotees, who indirectly receive
necessary instructions, Mr. Mahatani found in the note book
instructions which suited him. Further, on 25-8-45 about 2 p.m.,
when he was having a nap he had a vision in his dream in which
Bhagavan appeared and quoted a Sanskrit sloka and interpreted
it as meaning, ‘There is no better karma or bhakti than enquiry
into the Self’. He was greatly delighted and later in the same
dream another devotee put the same question to Bhagavan and
Mahatani repeated the above answer to him and laughed heartily.
All this was reported to Bhagavan on the 25th by Mahatani.
8-9-45 Morning
Mr. Subba Rao of Bezwada asked Bhagavan, “What is
the difference between imagination and vision?”
Bhagavan: One is voluntary and the other is not. But in
the ultimate analysis, though not in the immediate present,
even vision must have had its origin in the voluntary sphere.
Subba Rao: As dreams have their origin there?
B: Yes.
Another Visitor: It is said that our waking life is also a
dream, similar to our dream during sleep. But in our dreams
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we make no conscious effort to get rid of the dream and to
awake, but the dream itself comes to an end without any
effort on our part and we become awake. Similarly why
should not the waking state, which is in reality only another
sort of dream, come to an end of its own accord, and without
any effort on our part, and land us in jnana or real awakening?
B: Your thinking that you have to make an effort to get rid
of this dream of the waking state and your making efforts to
attain jnana or real awakening are all parts of the dream. When
you attain jnana you will see there was neither the dream during
sleep, nor the waking state, but only yourself and your real state.
I pressed Bhagavan, “But what is the answer to the
question? Why should not the waking state also pass like our
dreams without any effort on our part and land us in jnana, as
a dream passes off and leaves us awake?”
B: Who can say that the dream passed off of its own
accord? If the dream came on, as is generally supposed, as
the result of our past thoughts or karma, probably the same
karma also decides how long it should last and how after that
time it should cease.
I was still unsatisfied and, as the result of further talk with
Bhagavan, I feel that the waking state, though a sort of dream,
is clearly distinct from the dream during sleep in this, namely
that during dream it never occurs to us that it is a dream, whereas
in the waking state we are able to argue and understand from
books and gurus and from some phenomena that it may be
only dream after all. Because of this, it may be our duty to
make an effort to wake into jnana. Bhagavan says that we don’t
deem a dream, a dream till we wake up, that the dream looks
quite real while it lasts; and that similarly this waking state will
not appear a dream till we wake up into jnana. Still, it seems to
me that, because of the above difference between the dream
and the waking states, our effort is called for.
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14-9-45
Three or four days ago Mr. Desai, Retired Sub-Judge,
asked Bhagavan (with reference to what is said in Ramana
Gita), “How to direct the prana or life-current into the
sushumna nadi, so that as stated in Ramana Gita we could
achieve the severance of the chit-jada granthi?” Bhagavan
said, “By enquiring ‘Who am I?’”
“The yogi may be definitely aiming at rousing the kundalini
and sending it up the sushumna. The jnani may not be having
this as his object. But both achieve the same result, that of sending
the Life-force up the sushumna and severing the chit-jada granthi.
Kundalini is only another name for atma or Self or sakti. We talk
of it as being inside the body, because we conceive ourselves as
limited by this body. But it is in reality both inside and outside,
being no other than Self or the sakti of Self.”
Desai: How to churn up the nadis, so that the kundalini
may go up the sushumna?
Bhagavan: Though the yogi may have his methods of
breath-control, pranayama, mudras, etc., for this object, the
jnani’s method is only that of enquiry. When by this method
the mind is merged in the Self, the Self, its sakti or kundalini,
rises automatically.
The next day a visitor asked Bhagavan, with reference
to the words dhimahi in the gayatri, “What is the idea meant?
I am not able rightly to grasp it.”
B: The words only mean fixing the aham in the Self,
though literally they mean, “We meditate”.
Visitor: I am not able to form a conception of the ‘Tat’ or
the Self. Then, how am I to fix the aham in the Tat.
B: Why should you bother to conceive the Tat which
you don’t know? Try to find out the ‘I’ that you know, what it
is and whence it arises. That is enough.
17
16-9-45 Afternoon
A visitor asked, “What should one, who is an absolute
beginner, do in this (i.e., spiritual) line?”
Bhagavan: The very fact that you put this question shows
you know what to do. It is because you feel the want of peace,
that you are anxious to take some steps to secure peace. Because
I have a little pain in my foot, I am applying this ointment.
Visitor: What is the method to be adopted for securing
peace?
B: The conception that there is a goal and a path to it, is
wrong. We are the goal or peace always. To get rid of the
notion that we are not peace is all that is required.
V: All books say that the guidance of a Guru is necessary.
B: The Guru will say only what I am saying now. He will
not give you anything you have not already. It is impossible for
anyone to get what he has not got already. Even if he gets any
such thing, it will go as it came. What comes will also go. What
always is will alone remain. The Guru cannot give you anything
new, which you have not already. Removal of the notion that
we have not realised the Self is all that is required. We are
always the Self. Only, we don’t realise it.
The Asramam compounder asked some questions about
his experiences during meditation. Bhagavan explained that the
Self is the one reality that always exists and it is by its light all
other things are seen. We forget it and concentrate on the
appearances. The light in the hall burns, both when persons are
present there and when they are absent, both when persons are
enacting something as in a theatre and when nothing is being
enacted. It is the light which enabled us to see the hall, the persons
and the acting. We are so engrossed with the objects or
appearances revealed by the light that we pay no attention to the
light. In the waking state or dream state, in which things appear,
and in the sleep state, in which we see nothing, there is always
18
the light of consciousness or Self, like the hall-lamp always
burning. The thing to do is to concentrate on the seer and not on
the seen, not on the objects, but on the Light which reveals them.
18-9-45 Afternoon
A group of Bengalis have come. One of them has recently
lost a child. He put the question to Bhagavan, “Why did that
child die so young? Is it his karma or our karma that we should
have this grief?”
Bhagavan: The prarabdha which the child had to work
out in this life was over and so it passed away. So we may call
it the child’s karma. So far as you are concerned, it is open to
you not to grieve over it, but to remain calm and unaffected
by it, being convinced that the child was not yours but always
only God’s, that God gave and God took away. And in this
connection Bhagavan took out the Yoga Vasishta in English
to refer to the story of Punya and Pavana. Strange to say, when
he casually opened the book, it actually opened at the story
he had in mind. And from the book he asked me to read out
the portion where Punya advises his brother Pavana not to
grieve foolishly over the death of their parents, pointing out
that Pavana had had innumerable births in the past, in each
one of which he had a number of relations and that exactly as
he is not mourning for the death of all those relations now, he
should not now mourn for the death of their father either.
The visitor asked, “When a person dies while yet a child
and another lives long, which of them is the greater sinner?”
B: I cannot say.
I told the visitor that the data he had given could not by
themselves enable anyone to judge which was the greater sinner.
Visitor: If a person lives long, he has greater chances of
perfecting steps to reach realisation.
19
B: The person dying young may soon be reborn and have
in that life better chances of striving towards realisation than
the other person living long in this life.
A visitor asked, “When it is said that we must renounce
all activities, is it meant that we should reduce our activities
as much as possible?”
B: By giving up activities is meant giving up attachment
to activities or the fruits thereof, giving up the notion ‘I am the
doer’. The activities for going through which this body has
come, will have to be gone through. There is no question of
giving up such activities, whatever one may or may not like.
27-9-45
Bhagavan suddenly seems to have felt like visiting
Skandasramam, where for about a week now repairs are being
done; and so without notice to anybody, after the midday meal,
Bhagavan, on his usual after-lunch stroll, wended his way towards
Skandasramam, followed by attendant Rangaswami. Few knew
of this till about 3-30 p.m. But after 3-30 the news gradually
spread and almost all the devotees went up to Skandasramam
and found Bhagavan seated on the terraced platform in front,
which overlooks the temple and town. We found Bhagavan in
very good spirits and relating various events and incidents that
happened during his stay there previous to his coming to
Ramanasramam. Bhagavan had a mind even to continue stopping
there and to spend the night there. But all the devotees had
thronged there and none looked likely to move till Bhagavan
moved. So at about 5-30 p.m. Bhagavan started, looked at the
various parts of the Asramam, telling us where he used to sleep,
where he used to sit, and where mother sat, where they cooked,
where the old tap was, and so on, and then got down by the steps.
On the way he visited Virupakshi Cave and explained about his
life there also. Here he pointed out the UôPjÕl ©s}Vôo
20
UôPm the niche, which is now a small window on the wall facing
east in the verandah in front of the cave. UôPjÕl ©s}Vôo
(i.e., Ganesa in the niche) is an expression occurring in two
stanzas, one composed by Iswara Swami and another composed
by Bhagavan in praise of a Ganesa image placed in that niche at
the time Bhagavan was staying in Virupakshi Cave. Some
sannyasi who seems to have been living in that cave for some
days now brought water from the well nearby and Bhagavan
drank it with pleasure. Then Bhagavan left the cave for
Ramanasramam, slowly wending his way down the steps. At the
foot we all sat with him under a pipal tree around which there is
a platform, close to Guha Namasivaya’s Cave. Satakopa Naidu
of Bangalore brought some ùTô¬ (puffed rice) and groundnuts.
All the crowd sat there with Bhagavan and enjoyed this picnic.
By this time it was getting dark, and we all started along the hill
track leading to the town through Guha Namasivaya’s Cave and
along the main road, and reached the Asramam about 8-30 p.m.
It was a marvel that Bhagavan did this trip all on foot in
this way, the more so because his left big toe had become
either dislocated or badly sprained on 26-8-45, and as a result
thereof is still having some pain there.
Since Bhagavan left Skandasramam, he had gone there
two or three times within about a year or two after his settling
down here. But after that, i.e., for nearly twenty-two years
now, he has never gone there till today. Bhagavan was in great
spirits and all the way down from Skandasramam to
Ramanasramam he stopped once every few yards and related
various incidents and made remarks about some trees having
disappeared in the interval and about some cracks in the
Virupakshi Cave, about the place where Jadaswami rolled
stones down on Bhagavan (though Bhagavan would have it,
it was all only in fun), and about the heavy rain and storm that
came on one night and displaced huge boulders and created a
spring for the convenience of Bhagavan and his followers.
21
6-10-45
It was reported to Bhagavan that somehow under cover of
the leaves, two mangoes had escaped the notice of the monkeys
and had grown to quite a big size and that they were discovered
today, and that one was taken away by the monkeys and the other
left behind. This made Bhagavan think of the expression ‘B~
Uû\Ü’ (under cover of leaves) and by association of ideas he
thought of a stanza in ‘©W×-eL Ä~’ (Prabhulinga Lila), the
9th in ‘UÚ[ NeLW úRYo L§’ and read out to us a few stanzas,
where it is related that once Marula Sankara was living like a
madman near the place where leaf-plates, after eating, were thrown
away in front of a mutt. Neither the head of the mutt nor the disciples
knew anything about this man. But when Allama Prabhu went
that way, Marula got up and prostrated himself at his feet and
Allama Prabhu in turn took him up and embraced him. For, each
knew the other’s worth. Only a jnani can recognise a jnani. One
who indulges in kriya, charya, or yoga can be recognised by these
activities which he goes through. But in the case of a jnani there is
no such external thing by which we can recognise him.
I note this incident, the more particularly because some
who come here also sometimes have found it difficult to
recognise Bhagavan’s worth and have even asked me, “What is
there about this Bhagavan of yours which makes you think he
is a great man or a realised soul? He eats and sleeps and does
everything else like us.”
8-10-45 Afternoon
Janaki, daughter of Mr. A. Subbarayadu, the Deputy
Superintendent of Police of this place, asked Bhagavan, “I
want to do nama smarana always. But I am also keen on
getting higher education. (She is in the first year College
class). What should I do?”.
Bhagavan: There is nothing contradictory between the
two desires.
22
Janaki: If I am always doing nama smarana, how can I
carry on studies for which the mind is required?
Bhagavan did not answer. But Frydman and I told the girl,
“It was said both could be done at the same time.” Frydman
added, “Give the mind to studies and the heart to God.”
9-10-45 Afternoon
Mr. K. Mahatani asked in continuation of the above, “If
we want to succeed in any enterprise in the world, we must
give our whole mind and heart to it. Otherwise we cannot
succeed. So it is rather impracticable to devote one’s mind
both to God and worldly activity.”
Bhagavan: If one keeps fixed in the Self, the activities
will still go on and their success will not be affected. One should
not have the idea that one is the doer. The activities will still go
on. That force, by whatever name you may call it, which brought
the body into existence will see to it that the activities which
this body is meant to go through are brought about.
Mr. Mahatani was still not quite satisfied and thereupon
Bhagavan referred him to read an article on renunciation which
is found at the end of the Gita Press edition of Bhagavad Gita.
This article mentions seven stages of renunciation and
Bhagavan said, “Let Mr. Mahatani see if anything in this article
appeals to him”. I read out the whole article in the hall for the
benefit of all, as Bhagavan desired. It is said there that one
who has reached the seventh stage of renunciation will not
feel even when his body is cut by a weapon or some other
suffering is inflicted on him. When this portion was being
read Bhagavan remembered the following poem.
YgNLo úYpùLôÓ Uôo© ù]±«à
ùUgN úYRZu ê¥ ùV¬«à
Sg£ öWZ öL S-«à
Ug£ PôWÕ Yô]kR UôYúR.
23
(i.e., They won’t be afraid even if guileful enemies stab
their chest or they are surrounded by fire or bitten by a cobra,
all will be bliss for them). This is found in Ponnambala Swami’s
commentary on Bhagavad Gita in Tamil stanzas, Chapter VI
Verse 17 (Page 150 of the Asramam book). Continuing this
topic, I said, “It is true such things are said in the books. But we
see that the jnani feels pain. Even one like Sri Ramakrishna
Paramahamsa felt pain when he had cancer of the throat and
cried out, ‘Why has mother sent this pain to me?’”
Bhagavan: It may be like that in the beginning, due to
long association or habit. But afterwards it will pass off.
In this connection I must record that long ago, once when
Bhagavan was suffering from some illness and I expressed
concern, Bhagavan was pleased to explain to me that he felt
the pain as in a dream and no more.
10-10-45 Morning
I came across the following on pages 110 and 111 in
Letters to my friends by Gilbert Henry Gedge in the September
1945 issue of Science of Thought Review.
“Again, people sometimes say that when they are at work
there is no time to be thinking about God; their mind has to
be ‘on the job’.
“Now, friend, I say to you once again that for all these different
matters the remedy is the same. Seek first the kingdom of God.
When that is done all things fall into their proper place and their
proper perspective in our mind. God is in you and in all your
circumstances now, and you and your own individual little world
are in God now. Realisation of that fact involves also the realisation
that all things in your life are in their right place and order, that the
law of God rules your whole life and circumstances. Nothing
whatever can be excluded from the rule of that law when we realise
that our life is actually lived in God. Even when we are engaged in
24
our daily work it helps to think of God, to recognise His presence
with us, within and around us and in our job. It helps even more
to see the job as God’s work, for when we do so, we find new
and better ways of doing it and are blessed in the doing.”
I read this out to Bhagavan and he approved of it and
even asked me to show it to Mr. Mahatani as bearing on last
evening’s discourse.
11-10-45 Morning
Mr. G.V. Subbaramayya arrived. Just then Bhagavan was
reading a Telugu translation of his preface to Dakshinamurti
Stotra in Tamil. A few days ago Mr. P.C. Desai brought to
Bhagavan’s notice a Gujarati book on Dakshinamurti Stotra,
written by himself. And in connection with it Bhagavan asked
me to make for Mr. P.C. Desai’s benefit an English translation
of Bhagavan’s Tamil preface to the Stotra. This led Smt.
Nagamma to make a Telugu translation. Reading and explaining
the above Telugu translation, Bhagavan told Mr. G.V.
Subbaramayya practically all that he had told Mr. P.C. Desai
before. The gist of it is this: “Dakshinamurti, i.e., the great Siva
himself could not express the truth of the one Reality except by
silence. But that silence could not be understood except by the
very advanced. The others have to be told. And yet how is one
to say in words that which God himself could not express?
Sankara therefore advises the method of praising Dakshinamurti
and with that as the ostensible object really seeks to explain
that all is Brahman. In the first four stanzas he explains the
nature of the world, since what prevents our knowing the reality
is the world and if its (i.e., world’s) nature is understood, the
obstacle in the way of realising truth will be removed. In the
next four stanzas he explains the nature of the jiva. Then he
explains the connection between the two and teaches that all is
Self. Trying to explain the scheme and gist of Sankara’s
Dakshinamurti Stotra, I wrote the above brief preface.”
25
18-10-45 Morning
A visitor from the Punjab asked Bhagavan, “When I
meditate I feel a certain bliss at times. On such occasions,
should I ask myself ‘Who is it that experiences this bliss’?”
Bhagavan: If it is the real bliss of the Self that is
experienced, i.e., if the mind has merged really in the Self,
such a doubt will not arise at all. The question itself shows
real bliss was not reached.
All doubts will cease only when the doubter and his source
have been found. There is no use removing doubts. If we clear
one doubt, another doubt will arise and there will be no end of
doubts. But if the doubter is found to be really non-existent, by
seeking for the source of the doubter, then all doubts will cease.
Visitor: Sometimes I hear internal sounds. What should
I do when such things happen?
Bhagavan: Whatever may happen, keep up the enquiry
into the Self, asking ‘Who hears these sounds?’ till the reality
is reached.
A second edition of Sri Ramana, the Sage of Arunagiri by
Aksharajna has recently come out. Sampling it here and there, I
came across the passage that Bhagavan blesses his disciples in
various ways, the mild by sight, the middling by thought and the
advanced by touch. Once when I was reading Kaivalyam in Tamil
I asked Bhagavan, “Many books speak of Gurus blessing disciples
or giving diksha by touching the head of the disciple with their
hands or feet. How is it then Bhagavan never does any such
thing?” Bhagavan then told me, “It is true the books mention the
three ways of diksha, viz., by sight, touch and thought. But diksha
by thought is really the best.” So I asked Bhagavan today about
the above passage in Aksharajna’s book, saying, “He also knew
Bhagavan well. He must have had some reason for saying so.”
Bhagavan said, “I don’t know,” and added, “I might have touched
some by accident or for other reasons, not with the intention of
26
giving diksha.” In this connection, I may record on the authority
of Mr. G.V. Subbaramayya (who was present when the incident
occurred) that some years ago, an old, venerable and
distinguished-looking ascetic from North India was staying in
the Asramam for about a month, that he used to repeat the entire
Bhagavad Gita and that on the day of his departure Bhagavan
touched him in the following circumstances:
Bhagavan returned to the hall after his morning stroll and
sat on the couch. While his feet were still touching the ground,
the above ascetic fell at Bhagavan’s feet, his head almost touching
Bhagavan’s feet and prayed that Bhagavan should bless him with
diksha by touch, adding he would not get up till Bhagavan did
so. Bhagavan thereupon was pleased to put one of his hands on
the old man’s head and lifted him with the other hand.
While all this talk was going on, Dr. Srinivasa Rao was
massaging Bhagavan’s feet which had some rheumatic trouble.
Bhagavan humorously remarked, “Doctor is now giving diksha
to me by touch.” About 15 days ago, when the Doctor was
massaging Bhagavan’s feet, Bhagavan asked him to stop,
saying, “What you have done is enough. You may go and sit
down. I shall do some massaging myself and get some punya.
Why should you alone have all the punya?” and began
massaging himself. (punya is spiritual merit earned, for
example, by service to a Master).
19-10-45 Morning
A barrister from Bombay asked Bhagavan, “I have read
the works of Bhagavan and others and, though I can understand
them intellectually, I have not been able to realise anything in
experience. I have tried Bhagavan’s method for about six years
and yet I have not made any progress. When I meditate, other
thoughts come. For people like me, living in cities and doing
our work and coming here only occasionally, what sadhana
27
would Bhagavan advise so that we may succeed better than I
have so far been able to do?”
Bhagavan: Your real nature is always there, your
meditation, etc., come only temporarily. Reality being your
Self, there is nothing for you to realise. All that is required
is that you should give up regarding the unreal as real,
which is what all are doing. The object of all meditation,
dhyana or japa is only that, to give up all thoughts regarding
the not-self, to give up many thoughts and to keep to the
one thought.
As for sadhana, there are many methods. You may do
vichara, asking yourself ‘Who am I?’ or, if that does not appeal
to you, you may do dhyana ‘I am Brahman’ or otherwise, or
you may concentrate on a mantra or name in japa. The object is
to make the mind one-pointed, to concentrate it on one thought
and thus exclude our many thoughts, and if we do this, eventually
even the one thought will go and the mind will get extinguished
in its source.
Visitor: In actual practice I find I am not able to succeed
in my efforts. Unless Bhagavan’s grace descends on me I
cannot succeed.
Bhagavan: Guru’s grace is always there. You imagine it
is something, somewhere high up in the sky, far away, and
has to descend. It is really inside you, in your heart, and the
moment (by any of the methods) you effect subsidence or
merger of the mind into its source, the grace rushes forth,
spouting as from a spring, from within you.
Another visitor asked, “What is the reality of this world?”
Bhagavan: If you know your reality first, you will be
able to know the reality of the world. It is a strange thing
that most people do not care to know about their own reality,
but are very anxious to know about the reality of the world.
28
You realise your own Self first and then see if the world
exists independently of you and is able to come and assert
before you its reality or existence.
Another visitor asked, “Why is there so much pain even
for the innocent, such as children for instance? How is it to be
explained? With reference to previous births or otherwise?”
Bhagavan: As about the world, if you know your own
reality, these questions won’t arise. All these differences, the
pains and miseries of the innocent, as you say, do they exist
independently of you? It is you that see these things and ask
about them. If by the enquiry ‘Who am I’? you understand
the seer, all problems about the seen will be completely solved.
Dr. Syed asked, “If a person prays for a spiritual good for
say two years and yet is not answered, what should he do?”
Bhagavan: It may be it is for his good that the prayer is
not granted.
Afternoon
Bhagavan related the following: “When my uncle Nelliappa
Aiyar came to see me I was in the Mango tope (grove) near
Gurumoortham. The direct and shortest route to that place from
the Railway station lay through a place where a Swami
(UôUWjÕfNôª) was living. My uncle, meeting that Swami,
and in his anxiety (because I had come away directly from my
schoolboy life and so could hardly know anything about religion
or spiritual truths), enquired of the above Swami whether I really
knew anything in the path on which I had entered. The Swami
told my uncle that I knew nothing, but was sitting with eyes
closed in a firm and obstinate manner, doing some sort of hatha
yoga. So my uncle, who had a notion that none could know
anything of value in spiritual life without reading Vedanta sastras,
had a very poor opinion of me and felt only pity for me. Later,
when I was in Virupakshi Cave, one day I was explaining the
fourth stanza in Dakshinamurti Stotra to a young man who used
29
to come to me frequently and who had requested me to explain
the Stotra. In those days I was still generally silent and people
thought I was observing mauna. My uncle suddenly appeared
on the scene and I was caught in the act of explaining the Stotra.
I was taken aback and for a moment hesitated whether I should
continue the talk or observe mauna. But, seeing my uncle had
already learnt that I did not mind talking, I continued the discourse.
This convinced my uncle that I knew a great deal which he thought
I could not have known.” Bhagavan added, “The Swami who
informed my uncle first that I knew nothing had also to change
his opinion. This is how it happened. One day, returning from
my pradakshina round the hill, I entered the Easanya Mutt and
there I found this Swami. He showed the Vivekachudamani and
asked me about some stanza there. When I explained it, quoting
other portions from the same book and also other books, he
completely changed his estimate of me.”
I may also record here, since it does not seem to have
been recorded so far, that Bhagavan told us that when his
uncle came and had to send a written message to Bhagavan
before he could get admittance, the poor gentleman had no
ink or pen and wrote his message on a piece of paper with
some twig for pen and the juice of prickly-pear fruit for ink.
26-10-45 Morning
Bhagavan told me that one morning, when he was
sitting on the verandah in Virupakshi Cave, the words
LÚ|VôùXu{ VôiP ¿ came to him very insistently, but
he took no special notice of them. It seems the same thing
happened the following morning also. Then Bhagavan composed
the first stanza of ‘@Ú÷NX T§Lm’ (Eleven Verses on
Arunachala). The next morning the words beginning the second
stanza similarly came to him and he composed the second stanza;
and so it went on every day, until the last two stanzas were
composed on one day. On that day, after composing the two last
30
stanzas Bhagavan, it seems, started for giripradakshina (going
round the hill). One of his disciples, Aiyaswami, brought a piece
of paper and pencil and told another disciple who was going
with Bhagavan, “Bhagavan has been composing one stanza every
morning for some days now, and today he has composed two
stanzas. More may come to him today. In case they do, have this
paper and pencil with you, so that the same may be recorded.”
And on the way round the hill Bhagavan actually composed the
first six stanzas of the Arunachala Ashtakam (Eight Verses on
Arunachala). It seems Echamma first got the ‘@bW UQUô~’
(The Marital Garland of Letters) published and later Narayana
Reddi. This Narayana Reddi came to know of the Padhikam and
Ashtakam soon afterwards, and wanted to publish them. Then
Bhagavan composed two more stanzas for completing the
Ashtakam; and the Padhikam and Ashtakam were published by
Narayana Reddi. This is how the Padhikam and Ashtakam in the
Five Hymns on Arunachala came to be composed.
I asked Bhagavan: “I know that in the Madura house itself,
Bhagavan had the dawn of jnana and that ever since then,
Bhagavan had no ‘úRLôjU ×j§’ (I-am-this-body
consciousness). I know also that Bhagavan had a ‘RôTm’ (a
burning sensation) in the body which did not cease until he arrived
at the temple here and reported His arrival to God Arunachala.
But I don’t believe this was the ‘¨uù]¬’ mentioned in Marital
Garland; I also think that Bhagavan has gone through the severe
pain or physical ordeal which I have read most Saints had to go
through when the knot between body and spirit is sundered. I
wish to know when this happened in Bhagavan’s life. I know
this information is not needed for my improvement. But for
Bhagavan’s history I think it is necessary.”
Bhagavan kept quiet and only smiled. But after a time,
he said the Marital Garland was written about 1914-1915.
By that Bhagavan apparently meant to tell me that the knot
was sundered long before that, about 1896 itself.
(Continued ...)
(My humble salutations to the lotus feet of Bhagavan Sree Ramana Maharshi
and also gratitude to great philosophers and others for the collection)
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