Day by Day with Bhagavan
Afternoon
For some days now Bhagavan’s rheumatic troubles have
been pretty bad and so his legs are being occasionally
massaged with some medicated oils. For about ten days now
there has been in the town some Swami who professes to be
able to cure with his vibhuti all kinds of diseases; and people
from various villages have been flocking to see him and most
of them also peep in at the Asramam to see Bhagavan. So
Bhagavan said, “If all these people come and see I have all
these physical ills myself and need to be massaged with
medicated oils, they will know I am no good and won’t come
anymore. So this massaging is good in one way.”
29-10-45 Afternoon
Dilip Kumar Roy, singer and author, who is on a visit
here from Sri Aurobindo Ashram, asked Bhagavan, “According
to the Maha Yoga you say that the sages have not said anything
to contradict each other. Yet, we find one advocating bhakti,
another jnana, etc., leading thus to all sorts of quarrels.”
Bhagavan: There is really nothing contradictory in such
teachings. When for instance a follower of bhakti marga
declares that bhakti is the best, he really means by the word
bhakti what the jnana marga man calls jnana. There is no
difference in the state or its description by attributes or
transcendence of attributes. Only different thinkers have used
different words. All these different margas, or paths or
sadhanas lead to the same goal. What is once a means becomes
itself the goal. When that happens dhyana, bhakti or jnana,
which was at one time a conscious and painful effort, becomes
the normal and natural state, spontaneously and without effort.
30-10-45 Afternoon
Dilip Kumar Roy read out a poem in English composed
by him on Bhagavan and sang some songs before Bhagavan.
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Later he asked Bhagavan, “While all say Guru’s direction is
necessary it seems Bhagavan has said a Guru is not necessary.”
Bhagavan: I have not said so. But a Guru need not always
be in human form. First a person thinks he is an inferior and
that there is a superior, all-knowing and all-powerful God who
controls his own and the world’s destiny, and worships him
or does bhakti. When he reaches a certain stage and becomes
fit for enlightenment, the same God whom he was worshipping
comes as Guru and leads him on. That Guru comes only to
tell him. ‘The God is within yourself. Dive within and realise.’
God, Guru and the Self are the same.
Roy: But in Bhagavan’s case there was no Guru.
Bhagavan: The whole world was my Guru. It has been
already said that Guru need not be in human form and that
the Self within, God and Guru are the same.
Roy: I once asked my Gurudev (i.e., Sri Aurobindo) about
this and he said, ‘A spiritual Hercules like Bhagavan needs
no Guru’.
Bhagavan: Everything in the world was my Guru. Don’t
you know that Dattatreya, when he was asked by the king which
Guru had taught him the secret of bliss, replied that the earth,
water, fire, animals, men etc., all were his Gurus and went on
explaining how some of these taught him to cling to what was
good and others taught him what things he should avoid as bad.
31-10-45 Morning
Chella Battar (Daivasikamani Battar), temple priest of
Tiruchuzhi, has come. Bhagavan pointed him out to me and
said, “Whenever I see him I am reminded of the cut I received
on my left finger and the scar it has left. I was about eight years
old and he about three. His house was third from ours. Before
his birth and when I was a child I used to be frequently taken to
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their house and petted as almost their child. It was Pongal time
and this child came to our house with one hand holding a new
‘@±Yôi U|’ (blade fastened to a piece of wood for slicing
vegetables), and the other hand dragging a long stout sugar
cane. I hastened to cut the sugar cane for the child and
accidentally got a cut between my thumb and left forefinger. I
quietly asked the child to go back to his house and ran to the
hospital and got my wound treated. It is this gentleman’s son
that was here sometime back, called Karpurasundaram, who is
now doing puja in ‘Sundara Mandiram’ at Tiruchuzhi.”
Afternoon
Ganapati Sastri brought a letter received by him from
Grant Duff, who was here some years ago and is a great
devotee of Bhagavan. In that letter Grant Duff says he is in
California with the permission of the U.S.A. Government,
that the country is pleasant, that he is nearing eighty, that he
is anxious to make the best use of the very little time he may
yet have in the world and that he hopes by Bhagavan’s grace
to visit the Asramam again, travelling by air.
Bhagavan drew my attention to Colombo Ramachandra’s
speech delivered at Colombo on the occasion of the Golden
Jubilee of Vivekananda’s speech at the Chicago Conference and
printed in the Ramakrishna Vijayam of the Tamil month Aippasi.
In it, Ramachandra says, “Vivekananda on his return from
America said in his speeches that South India was going to take
a leading part in the spiritual regeneration of the world, that in
the 20th century there was going to rise in South India a flood of
atmic power which would inundate not only the whole of India
but the entire world. That force is what is now being generated
and radiated by Aurobindo and Bhagavan in South India.”
Bhagavan was reading an English translation of a French
letter received from one Zikovsky and family, of
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Czechoslovakia, to this effect: “I and my family are grateful
to Bhagavan for all his blessings so far. I hope to go and see
Bhagavan, God willing. Meanwhile I pray Bhagavan may send
such instructions or directions as he may deem fit.” Bhagavan
is not able to recognise the writer, but says he must be one of
those who wrote from Europe (about the time Brunton first
wrote about Bhagavan), that they knew long ago, i.e., long
before Brunton’s writing about Bhagavan and his teaching
and that they had been practising what Bhagavan taught.
Bhagavan thinks the writer of the letter must be one of those
who read about him and his teachings from what appeared
from the pen of Humphreys (who became a devotee of
Bhagavan about 1910-11) in some journals at that time.
2-11-45 Morning
Dilip Kumar Roy read out another poem composed by
him on Bhagavan. Then he sang a few songs. Then he asked
Bhagavan, “What is the best way of killing the ego?”
Bhagavan: To each person that way is the best which
appears easiest or appeals most. All the ways are equally good,
as they lead to the same goal, which is the merging of the ego
in the Self. What the bhakta calls surrender, the man who does
vichara calls jnana. Both are trying only to take the ego back
to the source from which it sprang and make it merge there.
Roy: But which is the best way for me? Bhagavan must
know.
Bhagavan did not reply. (This is only usual with
Bhagavan. He leaves it to each devotee to find out what
sadhana appears most easy to him).
Afternoon
Mr. Roy again sang a few songs. At the end he asked
Bhagavan, “Music also helps one to develop bhakti, does it not?”
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Bhagavan: Yes. Yes.
When Roy was taking leave, he asked Bhagavan whether
bhakti marga could be followed with advantage and whether
it would lead to jnana.
Bhagavan: Yes. Yes. Bhakti is jnana mata i.e., the
mother of jnana.
6-11-45 Evening
An elderly gentleman and a young man were sitting in
front of Bhagavan. A little before Bhagavan was about to start
for his evening stroll, the young man approached Bhagavan
and said that his companion had lost his eyesight. Bhagavan
nodded, as usual. Soon after, Bhagavan got up and told us,
“He says he has lost his eyes. I have lost my legs. He comes
and tells me. To whom am I to go and complain!” For nearly
a month or more Bhagavan has been having more than usual
trouble with his legs, either due to rheumatism or deficiency
of B Vitamin. But how serious it is may be realised from his
saying he has ‘lost his legs’. This is not the first time he has
said, “All of you come and complain to me. To whom am I to
go and complain?” This is quite consistent with his teaching,
that there is nothing but the Self and that he is That!
8-11-45 Morning
When (on 2-11-45) Mr. Roy asked Bhagavan the best way
of killing the ego, Bhagavan said, “To ask the mind to kill the
mind is like making the thief the policeman. He will go with you
and pretend to catch the thief, but nothing will be gained. So you
must turn inward and see where the mind rises from and then it
will cease to exist.” In reference to this answer, Mr. Thambi Thorai
of Jaffna (who has been living in Palakothu for over a year) asked
me, whether asking the mind to turn inward and seek its source
is not also employing the mind. So, I put this doubt before
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Bhagavan and Bhagavan said, “Of course we are employing the
mind. It is well known and admitted that only with the help of
the mind the mind has to be killed. But instead of setting about
saying there is a mind, and I want to kill it, you begin to seek the
source of the mind, and you find the mind does not exist at all.
The mind, turned outwards, results in thoughts and objects.
Turned inwards, it becomes itself the Self. Such a mind is
sometimes called arupa manas or suddha manas.”
Today, the doorway on the south facing Bhagavan’s seat
has been closed and a window constructed in its place; and
the middle window on the northern wall has been replaced by
the doorway removed from the southern wall. Going through
this doorway, Bhagavan need not climb any steps.
11-11-45 Morning
Maha Vir Prasad, Chief Engineer, U.P., who has been
staying here for about twenty days, asked Bhagavan, “I find
it said in Maha Yoga that in the beginning of meditation one
may attend to the breath, i.e.. its inspiration and expiration,
and that after a certain amount of stillness of the mind is
thereby attained, one can dive into the heart seeking the
source of the mind. I have been badly in want of some such
practical hint. Can I follow this method? Is it correct?”
Bhagavan: The thing is to kill the mind somehow. Those
who have not the strength to follow the enquiry method are
advised pranayama as a help to control the mind. And
pranayama is of two kinds, one of controlling and regulating
the breath and the other of simply watching the breath.
Prasad: During meditation I sometimes attain a state
lasting for about fifteen minutes, during which I am not aware
of anything and am free from all thoughts. Some have told
me that such a state is what may be called yoga nidra and
that one should guard against such a state as bad.
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Bhagavan: One should endeavour to get beyond sleep.
(For some reason Bhagavan did not answer further the query
put by Prasad). I thereupon advised Prasad to read Crumbs
from the Table, where this particular matter is dealt with.
Bhagavan also asked us to take a copy of the book and give
it to Prasad. We did so.
Evening
A visitor: I don’t know what kundalini is.
Bhagavan: Kundalini is one name given by the yogic
people for what may be called the atma sakti inside the body.
The vichara school calls the same power jnana. The bhakta
calls it love or bhakti. The yogic school says that this power
is dormant in muladhara at the base of the spinal cord and
that it must be roused and taken through the various chakras
on to sahasrara at the top, in the brain, to attain moksha. The
jnanis think this power is centred in the heart, and so on.
12-11-45 Morning
A visitor from the Punjab asked Bhagavan, “When the
mind or ahankar is killed, is that stage an inert stage?”
Bhagavan: Why do you bother about the jnani’s state?
You understand your present state.
Visitor: The mumukshu naturally wants to know about
the mukti state which is his goal.
Bhagavan kept quiet for a little while and then said, “You
admit mind has to be killed. Why don’t you do it first and see
for yourself then whether that stage is inert or without
consciousness?”
Visitor: When ahankar goes, will aham vritti exist?
Bhagavan: That which is, always is. If the ahankar dies,
It, the Reality, exists as It has always existed. You may speak
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of It as having aham vritti or simply aham. It is all the same.
That which exists is ‘I am’ or ‘aham’.
18.11.45
This morning about 6 a.m. Vaikunta Vasar, an attendant,
was massaging Bhagavan’s legs. After he had been massaging
for about half an hour, Bhagavan expressed ‘Fu]jûRúVô
©¥d¡øl úTô-Úd¡\Õ’ (I vaguely feel that something is
being massaged). This is perhaps a glimpse into the inner life
of Bhagavan. He was not in any trance or special samadhi
then, but in his usual state.
20-11-45 Afternoon
One Rishikesananda Swami of the Ramakrishna Mission
is here. It seems he has been advised by Swami Siddheswarananda
to visit Bhagavan. Bhagavan spoke about Siddheswarananda and
showed two books, one containing his lectures (causeries) and
another which was received only three weeks back though
despatched from France in 1941. Rishikesananda said that
Siddheswarananda had learnt French very well and spoke fluently
in that language. He also said that one Vijayananda Swami was
working in South America and was very popular there in spite of
hostile propaganda by Christian missionaries. Two ladies of
affluence supported the Swami and asked him to remain there.
One of the ladies was Mrs. Guirellis, (known to the Asramam as
Mamita, who had adopted the Canarese boy Raman and who is
staying at Bangalore now near the Ramakrishna Mission).
Siddheswarananda intends to come to India for a few months
and hopes to visit Ramanasramam also then. The talk drifted to
the clothes these Swamis wear in foreign countries.
Rishikesananda told Bhagavan that generally they wear European
clothes and that, while delivering lectures, they wear long and
flowing ochre-coloured robes and a turban such as Vivekananda
is seen wearing in some pictures.
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21-11-45 Morning
The Swami was asking Bhagavan about the characteristics
of a jnani. Bhagavan said they are all described in books, such as
the Bhagavad Gita, but that we must bear in mind that the jnani’s
state being one which transcends the mind cannot be described
with the help merely of the mind and that all description therefore
must be defective. Only silence can correctly describe their state
or characteristics. But silence is more effective than speech. From
silence came thought, from thought the ego and from the ego
speech. So if speech is effective, how much more effective must
its original source be? In this connection Bhagavan related the
following story: “Tattvaraya composed a bharani (a kind of poetic
composition in Tamil) in honour of his Guru Swarupananda and
convened an assembly of learned pandits to hear the work and
assess its value. The pandits raised the objection that a bharani
was only composed in honour of great heroes capable of killing
a thousand elephants, and that it was not in order to compose
such a work in honour of an ascetic. Thereupon the author said,
‘Let us all go to my Guru and we shall have this matter settled
there’. They went to the Guru and, after all had taken their seats,
the author told his Guru the purpose of their coming there. The
Guru sat silent and all the others also remained in mauna. The
whole day passed, night came, and some more days and nights,
and yet all sat there silently, no thought at all occurring to any of
them and nobody thinking or asking why they had come there.
After three or four days like this, the Guru moved his mind a bit,
and thereupon the assembly regained their thought activity. They
then declared, “Conquering a thousand elephants is nothing beside
this Guru’s power to conquer the rutting elephants of all our egos
put together. So certainly he deserves the bharani in his honour!”
Afternoon
A lady visitor from Sri Aurobindo’s Ashram asked
Bhagavan, “When I concentrate, all sorts of thoughts rise and
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disturb me. The more I try, the more thoughts rise up. What
should I do?”
Bhagavan: Yes. It will be so. All that is inside will try to
come out. There is no other way except to pull up the mind
each time it wants to go astray and to fix it on the Self.
Bhagavan quoted the verse in the Bhagavad Gita which says
that as often as the wavering mind goes after anything, it should
be drawn away and fixed in the Self.
Siva Mohan Lal asked Bhagavan, “When I concentrate
here in Bhagavan’s presence, I am able to fix my thought on
the Self easily. But in my place it takes a long time and
much trouble to do so. Now why should it be so, especially
as I feel convinced that Bhagavan is everywhere and is my
antaryami?” I said, “It must of course be so. Though we are
told that God is immanent everywhere, are we not also told
that he is more manifest in some objects or places than in
others, e.g., in temples, and images or avatars?” Bhagavan
said, “Ask Muruganar, who is here. He has sung a song where
he says Ramanasramam is not simply here for him, but
everywhere.” Thereupon Muruganar read out the following
stanza from ‘WUQ úRYUô~’ (Ramana Devamalai):
AiùP]úY VôiÓ UPe¡U] ¨t\Xôp
CiÓ×]p ãÝXL ùUeLÔúU#úYi¥
@UWo TXÚ UûPÙm ùT¬V
WUQúR Yôf£ WUm.
Which means, ‘Because (by His grace) the mind has attained
quiescence and remains calm everywhere as it used to remain
at Ramanasramam, wherever I may go in this world it is to me
Ramanasramam, to which even devas go with keen desire.’ In
other words, Ramanasramam is chid akasa which is everywhere
and to which we gain access by killing the mind. Bhagavan
added, “Time and place really do not exist. Even in the radio
we have a hint of this truth. We have Hyderabad here. What is
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sung there, we hear here at the same time as it is sung there.
Where is time and place?”
Dr. Srinivasa Rao asked Bhagavan, “What is the meaning
of ‘çeLôUp çeÏYÕ’, i.e., being in sleepless sleep?”
Bhagavan: It is the jnani’s state. In sleep our ego is
submerged and the sense organs are not active. The jnani’s
ego has been killed and he does not indulge in any sense
activities of his own accord or with the notion that he is the
doer. So he is in sleep. At the same time he is not unconscious
as in sleep, but fully awake in the Self; so his state is
sleepless. This sleepless sleep, wakeful sleep, or whatever
it may be called, is the turiya state of the Self, on which as
the screen, all the three avasthas, the waking, dream and
sleep, pass, leaving the screen unaffected.” Bhagavan said
that instead of holding on to that which exists, we are looking
for that which does not. We bother about the past and the
future, not realising the truth of the present. We do not know
the ‘A§’ (beginning) or the ‘@kRm’ (end). But we know
the middle. If we find out the truth of this, we shall know
the beginning and the end. Bhagavan quoted from Bhagavad
Gita: “I am in the heart of all beings and am their beginning,
middle and end.” Bhagavan also said the reality is only
mauna and quoted Thayumanavar:
úYßTÓe NUVùUpXôm ×ÏkÕ Tôod¡u
®[eÏUWm ùTôÚú[¨u ®}Vôh PpXôp
UôßTÓe LÚj§p~ Ø¥®p úUô]
Yô¬§«p S§j§WsúTôp YVe¡t \mUô
(LpXô-u#25)
(i.e., If we scrutinise all the religions which look so different,
we find nothing discrepant at all in them, but they are only
your (Lord’s) sport. They all end in quiescence or mauna, as
rivers merge in the sea).
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In this connection Bhagavan also said, when one talks of
brahmakara vritti for the mind, it is something like saying
samudrakara nadi, about the river which has merged in the ocean.
Night
Following Bhagavan’s quotation from the Gita,
Rishikesananda referred to a verse from Mandukya Upanishad
in which the words adi and anta occur. Bhagavan took it out
and explained the text, which says: “That which was not in the
beginning and which won’t be at the end, but which is only in
the middle, can’t be real. Only that can be real which is not
only in the middle, but also at the beginning and the end”.
Dr. Srinivasa Rao asked Bhagavan, “When we enquire
within ‘who am I?’ what is that?”
Bhagavan: It is the ego. It is only that which makes the
vichara also. The Self has no vichara. That which makes the
enquiry is the ego. The ‘I’ about which the enquiry is made is
also the ego. As the result of the enquiry the ego ceases to
exist and only the Self is found to exist.
I asked Bhagavan, “It seems this morning Rishikesananda
quoted some text which says wherever the mind goes, that is
samadhi. How can that be? Our mind goes after whatever it
likes. Can that be samadhi?”
Bhagavan: That passage refers to jnanis. Whatever they
may be doing, there is no break in their samadhi state. Their
bodies may be engaged in whatever activities they were intended
by prarabdha to go through. But they are always in the Self. We
associate or identify ourselves with the body; whatever it does,
we say we do. The Bhagavad Gita says, ‘The wise man will
think the senses move among the sense objects and be unattached
to the activities of the sense organs.’ I would go farther and say
that the jnani does not think even that. He is the Self and sees
nothing apart from himself. What the Bhagavad Gita says in the
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above passage is for the abhyasi or the practiser. There is no
harm in engaging in whatever activities naturally come to one.
The hindrance or bondage is in imagining that we are the doers
and attaching ourselves to the fruits of such activities.
In this connection Bhagavan also said, “A man says ‘I
came from Madras’. But in reality ‘he’ did not come. The
jutka or some other vehicle brought him from his house to the
railway station, the train brought him to Tiruvannamalai
railway station, and from there some other cart brought him
here. But he says ‘I came’. This is how we identify ourselves
with the acts of the body and the senses.” Bhagavan also quoted
from the Vedanta Chudamani to the effect that the activities
of the jnani are all samadhi, i.e. he is always in his real state,
whatever his body may happen to be doing. Bhagavan also
referred to Rajeswarananda and said that once he planned to
take a big party of pilgrims with Bhagavan in their midst.
Bhagavan said, “I did not consent to go and the thing had to
be dropped. What is there I could go and see? I see nothing.
What is the use of my going anywhere?” (“TôojRôp Iußm
ùR¬¡\§p~”) This is one of those self-revealing statements,
which sometimes escape Bhagavan’s lips.
The following remarks were also made by Bhagavan
this night:
“The jnani sees he is the Self and it is on that Self as the
screen that the various cinema-pictures of what is called the
world pass. He remains unaffected by the shadows which play
on the surface of that screen.
“See with the ‘E]dLi’ (the physical eye), and you
see the world. See with the ‘Oô]dLi’ (the eye of
realisation), everything appears ‘©WmUUVm’ (as the Self).
“To see an object that is in the dark, both the eye and the
light of a lamp are required. To see the light only, the eye is
enough. But to see the sun, there is no need of any other light.
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Even if you take the lamp with you, its light will be drowned
in the light of the sun. Our intellect or buddhi is of no use to
realise the Self. To see the world or external objects, the mind
and the reflected light (or chidabhasa) which always arises
with it are necessary. To see the Self, the mind has simply to
be turned inside and there is no need of the reflected light.
“If we concentrate on any thought and go to sleep in that
state, immediately on waking the same thought will continue in
our mind. People who are given chloroform are asked to count
one, two, etc. A man who goes under after saying six for instance
will, when he again comes to, start saying seven, eight, etc.
“In some books, the ego is compared to a leech; before
leaving one body it takes hold of another.”
22-11-45 Morning
Bhagavan explained how it is said in books that the
highest possible happiness, which a human being can attain
or which the ten grades of beings higher than man, ending
with gods like Brahma can attain, is like foam in the deluging
flood of the bliss of the Self.
Imagine a man in robust health; of vigorous adult age,
endowed with unsurpassed wealth and power, with intellect
and all other resources, and married to a fair and faithful wife,
and conceive of his happiness.
Each higher grade of being above man is capable of a
hundred-fold greater happiness than that of the grade below.
But the highest happiness of all the eleven grades of being is
only the foam in the flooding ocean of divine bliss.
In this connection Bhagavan narrated the following story:
“A king was passing through a forest in all his pomp and
pageantry, with his army and retinue behind him. He came
across a man with not even a cod-piece on him, lying on the
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ground, with one leg cocked over the other and laughing away,
apparently supremely happy and contented with himself and
all the world. The king was struck with the man’s happy state
and sent for him. But when the king’s men approached the
nude ascetic and delivered the king’s message, he took
absolutely no notice and continued in his ascetic bliss. On
being told of this, the king himself went to the man and even
then the man took no notice. Thereupon it struck the king that
this must be no common man, and said: ‘Swami, you are
evidently supremely happy. May we know what is the secret
of such happiness and from which Guru you learnt it?’
Thereupon the ascetic told the king: ‘I have had twenty-four
Gurus. Everything, this body, the earth, the birds, some
instruments, some persons all have taught me.’ All the things
in the world may be classed as either good or bad. The good
taught him what he must seek. Similarly, the bad taught him
what he must avoid. The ascetic was Dattatreya, the avadhuta.”
After Bhagavan returned from his morning stroll about
8 a.m., some visitor prostrating himself seems to have spilled
out his entire stock — a good quantity — of snuff. Attendant
Krishnaswami noticed it and collected the snuff and threw it out.
This reminded Bhagavan of some incidents in his life. He said,
“Tobacco is a germicide. When I was in Virupakshi Cave, one
day I suddenly found one tooth gave sharp pain when the cold
rice came in contact with it and I could eat no more. I stopped
eating and thought I would have to die of starvation. Vasudeva
Sastri was then living with me. He had gone out at the time.
When he returned to the cave I told him of my toothache. He
said it was nothing and that a little tobacco would cure it, killing
the germs. As we had no tobacco with us, somebody who had
snuff with him gave me a little snuff and advised me to press it
against the tooth and it gave immediate relief, so much so that I
was able to eat my next meal. When I examined the tooth there
appeared to be something like a dot on it. Gradually it became a
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hole. Later on a gentleman who was a District Munsiff at
Tirukoilur and visiting me came to know of it, and sent a dentist
from Madras. The dentist came, stayed here three days, charging
Rs.300-0-0 for his stay and did nothing substantial, except
cleaning my teeth, pulling out one tooth and a part of another.
“Even before I came here I knew of the power of tobacco.
When the Periyar dam was constructed and the water first
allowed to pass in the canals, the water came on in a flood
and there was plenty of fish in the water. The fishermen used
to divert the water by means of a side channel and let it into a
pond into which they had thrown a number of bundles of
tobacco stems, i.e., the stumps after the leaves had been utilised
for making cigars. The moment the fish got into the pond
they became unconscious or dead on account of the poison of
the tobacco and began to float. And the fishermen got heaps
of fish in this way. Afterwards I came across the following
stanza in RôÙUô]Yo (Thayumanavar) which alludes to the
above practice of fishermen (in §PØ\úY 4).
Ds[j§ àsú[ ùVô°jùRu{ VôhÓ¡u\
Ls[d LÚ|ûVVôu LôÔk RWUôúUô
ùYs[jûR Uôt± ®PdÏiTôo SgãhÓm
Ts[j§u ÁuúTôt TûRjúRu TWôTWúU.
Translation: I am struggling like the fish caught in the
pond whose waters diverted from the flood had been poisoned
by flesh-eaters. Is it possible for me to understand your hidden
kindness. Oh Almighty, who lying concealed in my heart is
moving me about like a puppet?”
After this, at Dr. Srinivasa Rao’s request, Bhagavan
explained the stanza occurring at the end of ‘ÑLYô¬’
commencing ‘FkSôÞm DP-úX’ and the last four stanzas
in ‘UiPXj§u’ of RôÙUô]Yo (Thayumanavar).
Later in the morning, at Rishikesananda’s request Bhagavan
recounted his first experience of the Self in his upstairs room at
47
Madura. “When I lay down with limbs outstretched and mentally
enacted the death scene and realised that the body would be taken
and cremated and yet I would live, some force, call it atmic power
or anything else, rose within me and took possession of me. With
that, I was reborn and I became a new man. I became indifferent
to everything afterwards, having neither likes nor dislikes.” Dr.
Srinivasa Rao asked Bhagavan how he first came to have bhakti.
Bhagavan replied, “The first thing that evoked bhakti in me was
the book ‘Periya Puranam’, which I came across in my house,
which belonged to a neighbour and which I read through. It was
however only after the experience described above that I used to
go daily to the temple and pray that I should become devoted like
one of the sixty-three saints (Nayanmar) of ‘Periya Puranam’.”
Afternoon
Dr. Srinivasa Rao told the Swami, “I have heard from one,
who said he saw it, that when Bhagavan was in Skandasramam,
a snake once crept over his body.” Bhagavan said, “Snakes raise
their hoods and look into our eyes and they seem to know when
they need not be afraid, and then they pass over us. It did not
strike me either that I should do anything to it.”
Later Bhagavan said, “Even though we usually describe
the reality as Sat, Chit, Ananda, even that is not quite a correct
description. It cannot really be described. By this description
all that we endeavour to make plain is that it is not asat, that
it is not jada and that it is free from all pain.”
Again Bhagavan said, “We are all in reality Sat-Chit-Ananda.
But we imagine we are bound and are having all these pains.”
I asked, “Why do we imagine so? Why does this
ignorance or ajnana come to us?”
Bhagavan said, “Enquire to whom has this ignorance
come and you will find it never came to you and that you
have always been that Sat-Chit-Ananda. One performs all sorts
48
of penances to become what one already is. All effort is simply
to get rid of this viparita buddhi or mistaken impression that
one is limited and bound by the woes of samsara.”
Later Bhagavan said, “The spark of jnana will easily
consume all creation as if it were a mountain-heap of cotton.
All the crores of worlds being built upon the weak (or no)
foundation of the ego, they all topple down when the atomic
bomb of jnana comes down upon them.” Bhagavan said, “All
talk of surrender is like pinching jaggery from the jaggery
image of Lord Ganesa and offering it as naivedya to the same
Lord Ganesa. You say you offer your body, soul and all
possessions to God. Were they yours that you could offer
them? At best, you can only say, ‘I falsely imagined till now
that all these which are yours (God’s) were mine. Now I realise
they are yours. I shall no more act as if they are mine.’ And
this knowledge that there is nothing but God or Self, that I
and mine don’t exist and that only the Self exists, is jnana.”
He added, “Thus there is no difference between bhakti and
jnana. Bhakti is jnana mata or mother of jnana.”
Talking of the innumerable ways of different seekers after
God, Bhagavan said, “Each should be allowed to go his own
way, the way for which alone he may be built. It will not do to
convert him to another path by violence. The Guru will go
with the disciple in his own path and then gradually turn him
into the supreme path at the ripe moment. Suppose a car is
going at top speed. To stop it at once or to turn it at once
would be attended by disastrous consequences.”
The talk then turned to the names of God and Bhagavan
said, “Talking of all mantras, the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad
says ‘AHAM’ is the first name of God. The first letter in Sanskrit
is A ëAí and the last letter Ha ‘h’ and ‘Aha’ thus includes
everything from beginning to end. The word ‘Ayam’ means that
which exists, Self-shining and Self-evident. ‘Ayam’, ‘Atma’,
49
‘Aham’, all refer to the same thing. In the Bible also, ‘I AM’ is
given as the name of God.”
24-11-45 Morning
Bhagavan spoke about the way in which in the old days
he used to climb to the peak at any time he felt like it, and
that by any route or even no route. He said only the grasscutters
knew some of the routes he used. “Sometimes people
would come from Madras and other parts and, setting out to
reach the top of the hill, would stray near Skandasramam.
Finding me seated there, they would ask me for the route to
the hill top. When I told them the route was to their right
and turned northward, some would say. ‘Do you know who
we are and wherefrom we come? We are from Madras. None
of your tricks with us. The top is here straight above us and
you want to lead us astray.’ I used to keep quiet. They would
try to climb in a straight line, and after a long time, they
would return tired out, finding that all their efforts to reach
the peak were in vain. Nearing me, they would bow their
heads in shame and go away, avoiding me.”
25-11-45
Bhagavan related how, while he was living in
Skandasramam, cheetahs used to visit him. He mentioned two
such instances. “In one, the cheetah made a terrific roar which
clearly appeared aggressive, but it did nothing to us and went
chasing monkeys. On the other occasion, the cheetah walked
up slowly and majestically and on nearing the Asramam gave a
loud roar, but one in which only peace and no aggression could
be detected, just as if it wanted to announce its arrival and no
more. It came very near, where the hill stream is now flowing
in Skandasramam, and after a time, slowly walked away, giving
another roar, as it were to announce its leave-taking.”
50
After breakfast Bhagavan went to Skandasramam
attended by only one attendant as usual. Skandasramam has
been completely repaired and put into perfect condition
recently and the path to it on the hill behind Ramanasramam
has also been improved. To celebrate the occasion and to give
Bhagavan a chance of spending some time in his old Asramam,
which we knew he thoroughly enjoys, it had been arranged
that Bhagavan and all his devotees should spend the day there
and return here only in the evening. There were some two
hundred people crowded into Skandasramam by about 9-30
a.m., and we all returned only in the afternoon. Bhagavan left
at about 4-15 and reached Ramanasramam about 5-30 p.m.
At Skandasramam Bhagavan was in a happy and cheerful
mood. The weather however was a bit too cloudy and chill,
with biting cold winds blowing most of the time. Bhagavan
related at great length and in minute detail various incidents
that occurred during his life at Skandasramam and Virupakshi
Cave. He explained that the name Skandasramam was given
because the Asramam was originally planned and built by
one Kandaswami, an old disciple, at great self-sacrifice and
by his unaided physical efforts. He remarked, “It is a miracle
how, on this hill, when need arises water springs up where
there was none before and where none could have been
suspected. After the need passes, the water also disappears.”
He traced the history of the hill stream now flowing in
Skandasramam, how he first discovered its source further up
and worked with his then disciples to lead it down. There was
a terrific storm and rain one night and it appeared to the
townsmen in the morning, from that distance, as if a big road
had been made overnight. It seems during this occurrence a
tank called Pada Thirtham (TôR ¾ojRm) was completely
filled up and there was mud and rock heaped up to a height of
about fifteen feet where the tank originally stood. (I learnt
later, on 12-12-45, from Bhagavan that half or three-quarters
of this tank was again restored by a devotee).
51
Bhagavan also narrated at length the history of the
monkeys associated with his stay in Virupakshi Cave and
Skandasramam, explaining in particular how ùSôi¥l
ûTVu (‘The lame boy,’ Bhagavan’s pet name for him) came
under Bhagavan’s influence. It seems, while Bhagavan was in
Virupakshi Cave, a monkey had been bitten and mauled badly
by the then king monkey and left for dead near the cave.
Bhagavan took pity on him and tended him and he recovered.
Afterwards, he was attached to Bhagavan and was always with
him, getting his daily feed at Bhagavan’s Asramam. When the
other monkeys came there, the lame one would not allow them
to approach Bhagavan and he pointed out to Bhagavan the king
who had made him lame. But later on, all the monkeys used to
come there and used to show regard and love to their erstwhile
enemy, the lame-monkey. In course of time the lame one became
the monkey-king. One day Bhagavan and his party had left
Skandasramam for giripradakshina, leaving the Asramam in
charge of one or two who stayed behind. During Bhagavan’s
absence the lame one and a host of other monkeys came and
broke the twigs and small branches of all the trees at
Skandasramam and played havoc with all they found there.
Bhagavan was wondering why they did so. The next day the
monkeys again came and the lame one got up the highest tree,
reached its highest point and shook it and then got down. This
it seems is a sign of royal precedence among the monkeys.
When Bhagavan offered food as usual to the lame one, he would
not take it, but led the man offering it to where three other
monkeys were sitting, and there he shared his food with them.
The three monkeys were the queens of the deposed king, who
were now the lame one’s queens according to their custom and
usage. Then Bhagavan knew that the lame one had become
king, that the previous day they all came to have his coronation
in Bhagavan’s presence and finding Bhagavan absent expressed
their disappointment and chagrin by breaking branches, etc.
52
The lame one had afterwards six children by the three queens
and all the six would get a morsel each from Bhagavan when
he took his meal every day. It seems the lame one misbehaved
on two occasions and hurt Bhagavan by hitting him. Each time
Bhagavan thought of punishing him by denying him admission
to his presence. But finding his pet repentant, and seeing that it
was only his monkeyish nature that was responsible, Bhagavan
excused him. One of the occasions was when Bhagavan took
up a plate of milk intended for the monkey and was about to
blow into it to make it cool, as it was too hot for the monkey.
The monkey thought that Bhagavan was taking the milk near
his mouth to drink it himself. Bhagavan said that, at
Skandasramam, sometimes a peacock and serpent used to play
side by side before him, the one with its tail spread out and the
other with its hood raised. Those who played host to all the
numerous devotees on this day were Prof. T.K. Doraiswami
Aiyar and Mr. Satakopa Naidu of Bangalore, both great devotees
of Bhagavan. Of Mr. Naidu, the following is worth narrating as
an interesting study in psychology.
Mr. Naidu has known Bhagavan for about thirty-five
years now. After he had known Bhagavan for some years, it
seems he once came to Virupakshi Cave and, finding Bhagavan
had gone out, sat down at a certain place. After a little time
Bhagavan returned and Mr. Naidu discovered that the place
he had been seated, was the very place that Bhagavan generally
used for his seat. This, it is said, gave Mr. Naidu such a shock
that, though he has become an almost permanent resident of
the Asramam, and has a permanent room of his own inside
the Asramam, he would not come before Bhagavan at all, much
less sit in the hall or dine with Bhagavan. Even earlier, when
Mr. Naidu used to visit the Asramam once or twice a year, he
felt too shy to appear before Bhagavan. He never speaks about
the original incident. I have therefore to be content with
narrating what I have heard from others.
53
27-11-45 Morning
Miss Sarojini Hathee Singh (sister of Mr. Hathee Singh,
brother-in-law of Jawaharlal Nehru), who is here now on her
second visit to this place, expressed a desire to have the daily
life of Bhagavan filmed and shown to the world. I told her
Mr. K.K. Nambiar had a similar idea and even took a few
shots with a cine camera a few months back, but either because
there was something wrong with the film or with the operator,
nothing came of it. Miss Hathee Singh said she would arrange
for this after returning from here this time. At meal time Miss
Indumati (a relation of Ambalal Sarabhai), who with her
mother and others had come here from Aurobindo’s darshan
on the 24th instant, asked me if there was any book dealing
with the ordinary life of Bhagavan, including any light or
humorous incidents or remarks. I replied in the negative and
she said there ought to be one. She said, “Before we came
here we did not know Bhagavan was so human and that he
moved so freely, talked and even made humorous remarks.
We knew only of his spiritual eminence. There ought to be a
book which reveals all these aspects which bring him closer
to us as a man.”
29-11-45
I went to Vellore on the 27th evening and met Mr. A.Lobo,
District Judge, and his wife at their place this morning. Both
made enquiries about Bhagavan and Mr. Lobo suggested that
there should be some record of Bhagavan’s life and doings at the
Asramam.
From Mr. Lobo’s house I went to Sir Norman Strathie,
Adviser, who was then camping at Vellore. There again naturally
we were talking of the Asramam. He said he had heard of
Bhagavan’s teaching through silence, and added, “we can
understand that.”
54
1-12-45
I returned here last night. Maha Vir Prasad, Chief Engineer
to the U. P. Government who had been staying here for about
twenty days in October and November and who went on a
pilgrimage to Rameswaram and other places, is back here. In
continuation of an old question of his with reference to a certain
passage in Maha Yoga, he asked Bhagavan whether it was
necessary and a condition precedent for a man to watch his
breathing before beginning the mental quest ‘Who am I?’
Bhagavan: All depends on a man’s pakva, i.e., his
aptitude and fitness. Those who have not the mental strength
to concentrate or control their mind and direct it on the quest
are advised to watch their breathing, since such watching will
naturally and as a matter of course lead to cessation of thought
and bring the mind under control.
Breath and mind arise from the same place and when
one of them is controlled, the other is also controlled. As a
matter of fact, in the quest method — which is more correctly
‘Whence am I?’ and not merely ‘Who am I?’ — we are not
simply trying to eliminate saying ‘we are not the body, not
the senses and so on,’ to reach what remains as the ultimate
reality, but we are trying to find whence the ‘I’ thought for the
ego arises within us. The method contains within it, though
implicitly and not expressly, the watching of the breath. When
we watch wherefrom the ‘I’-thought, the root of all thoughts,
springs, we are necessarily watching the source of breath also,
as the ‘I’-thought and the breath arise from the same source.
Mr. Prasad again asked whether, for controlling breath,
the regular pranayama is not better in which 1:4:2 proportion
for breathing in, retaining, and breathing out is prescribed.
Bhagavan replied, “All those proportions, sometimes regulated
not by counting but by uttering mantras, etc., are aids for
controlling the mind. That is all. Watching the breath is also
55
one form of pranayama. Retaining breath, etc., is more violent
and may be harmful in some cases, e.g., when there is no
proper Guru to guide the sadhak at every step and stage. But
merely watching the breath is easy and involves no risk.”
An old gentleman, Mr. Swaminatha Aiyar, a vakil from
Dindigul, had come. With him was a male child about three
years old, called Ramana. Apparently the child had not until
then seen Bhagavan, though he had heard a good deal about
Bhagavan. So the boy said in the hall WU÷ûYd LiÓ
©¥fÑ®húPu (i.e., I have now discovered Ramana). This
naturally caused laughter amongst us all and Bhagavan joined
in the laugh.
The old gentleman asked Bhagavan whether one should
not first go through nirvikalpa samadhi before attaining sahaja
samadhi. Bhagavan replied, “When we have vikalpas and are
trying to give them up, i.e., when we are still not perfected, but
have to make conscious effort to keep the mind one-pointed or
free from thought it is nirvikalpa samadhi. When through
practice we are always in that state, not going into samadhi and
coming out again, that is the sahaja state. In sahaja one sees
always oneself. He sees the jagat as swarupa or brahmakara.
What is once the means becomes itself the goal, eventually,
whatever method one follows, dhyana, jnana or bhakti. Samadhi
is another name for ourselves, for our real state.”
In the evening, after parayana, Bhagavan was looking
into a book. Bhagavan turned to me and said it was Glimpses
of Sai Baba by Mr. B.V. Narasimha Aiyar and that Mr. Shroff
had bought it for Bhagavan’s perusal. I said, “Yes, I saw it
in Shroff’s house this morning. I wonder if it contains
anything new, not contained in his previous works on Sai
Baba.” Bhagavan read out the introduction to the book by
Justice Kuppuswami Aiyar. Dr. Syed, who was in the hall,
said he had read the book and that it contained nothing new.
56
He also said that Mr. Narasimha Aiyar, when questioned on
the subject, could not say whether Sai Baba taught Selfrealisation
to anybody. Almost immediately as if to contradict
Dr. Syed, Bhagavan read out from the introduction to the
book a sentence which says that Sai Baba not only granted
boons for material relief to his devotees, but also gave them
a push towards their ultimate goal of Self-realisation.
2-12-45
This morning the Dowager Rani of Vizianagaram with two
or three others came to the hall, having arrived at the Asramam
last night. Dr. Srinivasa Rao was massaging Bhagavan’s feet.
Bhagavan told Dr. Srinivasa Rao, “You go and sit; otherwise
they would come and ask what is the matter with Bhagavan’s
health.” Doctor accordingly stopped massaging. Bhagavan does
not like any fuss to be made about him on any account.
In the afternoon I showed a book called Wonderful India
to Bhagavan. It contained many pictures and Bhagavan went
through the book for more than an hour, looking at the pictures.
4-12-45
About the middle of last month certain rearrangements
were made in the hall, a railing put round Bhagavan’s couch
on the western and southern sides, all the shelves removed to
the eastern half of the hall, etc. When all this was done I
remarked such crowding of furniture near Bhagavan’s couch
might increase the bug-pest. Then we spoke of insecticides
and about DDT, the most effective insecticide discovered
during the war. This morning Lt. Shroff brought some DDT
and sprayed it in the hall and on the furniture, including
Bhagavan’s sofa. Bhagavan advised it should be tried on the
cow-shed and he was very solicitous that if possible the cows
should be rid of all flies now troubling them. Lt. Shroff left
some DDT in the Asramam with instructions as to how it
57
should be used. We found the Mauni had already with him a
cutting from some paper in which full instructions about the
use of DDT were given.
6-12-45 Afternoon
Mr. G. Subba Rao spoke to Bhagavan about the late Mauna
Swami of Courtallam. He was with Bhagavan originally in 1906.
He was called Sivayya then. Today Bhagavan recalled that it
was Sivayya who first gave him a kamandalam. It seems Sivayya
stayed with Bhagavan for about a year or so, then went to
Courtallam, and when he again came to Bhagavan about 1909
or 1910, he brought a coconut kamandalam, the first Bhagavan
ever used. Bhagavan took out the picture in the book ‘WUQ
®_Vm’ (Ramana Vijayam) in which there is a picture of
Bhagavan sitting on a rock, holding this particular kamandalam
in his right hand and resting his left hand on his left thigh.
Bhagavan is at the peak of health and strength in this picture.
Night
Referring to the stanza ‘@e¡ÙÚ YôÙùUô°’ (3rd stanza
of Sri Arunachala Mahatmya in Collected Works of Ramana
Maharshi) I asked Bhagavan, whether the cave mentioned in it
is inside God or inside the mountain (which of course is also
said to be God). Bhagavan replied, “Of course, in the context,
it means the cave is inside the hill and that there, in the cave,
are all enjoyments.” Bhagavan added, “The stanza says you
are to believe that inside this hill there is a cave, which is
brilliance itself or which is glorious with light, and that all
enjoyments are to be found there.” I also asked Bhagavan, “I
have read somewhere that this place is called bhoga kshetra. I
wonder what is meant thereby.” Bhagavan replied, “Yes, it is
said so. But what does it mean? If thinking of this kshetra can
itself give mukti, what wonder if this place can give all other
enjoyments one may desire?” Dr. Srinivasa Rao asked whether
58
after putting oneself the question “Who am I?” one should
remain quiet or whether one should go on to give the answer,
such as “I am not this body, senses, etc.” or whether one should
go on repeating the question “Who am I?”
Bhagavan: “Why should you go on repeating ‘Who am
I?’ as if it is a mantra. If other thoughts arise, then the questions,
‘To whom do these thoughts arise?’, ‘Whence does the ‘I’ to
which these thoughts come arise?’ have to be asked, i.e., to
keep away other thoughts. Even in mantra japam, when the
man fails to repeat the mantra, i.e., when other thoughts begin
to occupy his mind, he reminds himself ‘I have left off the
mantra’ and begins repeating it. The object in all paths is to
keep off all other thoughts except the thought of God or Self.”
In this connection Bhagavan again said “The Name is
God,” and quoted the Bible, ‘In the beginning was the word,
and the word was with God, and the word was God’.” Swami
Ramdas often preaches the importance of Nama smarana,
the Name he uses being Sri Ram Jai Ram Jai Jai Ram. In the
latest issue of Vision Swami Ramdas has written about ‘That
thou art’, and Bhagavan referred me to it.
7-12-45
The September 1937 number of Vision contains an article
on the Philosophy of the Divine Name according to Nam Dev.
Bhagavan frequently refers to it with approval. Today also
Dr. Srinivasa Rao brought it and Bhagavan explained it to
him. Bhagavan remarked, “All this must have been uttered by
Nam Dev after he attained complete realisation, after touching
the feet of Vishopakesar to whom Vithoba sent him for
enlightenment.” Bhagavan then related the following story:
“Vithoba found Nam Dev had not yet realised the Supreme
Truth and wanted to teach him. When Jnaneswar and Nam Dev
returned from their pilgrimage, Gora Kumbhar gave a feast to
59
all the saints in his place and among them were Jnaneswar and
Nam Dev. At the feast, Jnaneswar in collusion with Gora, told
Gora publicly, ‘You are a potter, daily engaged in making pots
and testing them to see which are properly baked and which
are not. These pots before you (i.e., the saints) are the pots of
Brahma. See which of these are sound and which not.’
Thereupon Gora said, ‘Yes Swami, I shall do so’, and took up
the stick with which he used to tap his pots to test their
soundness; and holding it aloft in his hand he went to each of
his guests and tapped each on the head as he usually did to his
pots. Each guest humbly submitted to such tapping. But when
Gora approached Nam Dev, the latter indignantly called out:
‘You potter, what do you mean by coming to tap me with that
stick?’ Gora thereupon told Jnaneswar, ‘Swami, all the other
pots have been properly baked. This one, (i.e., Nam Dev) alone
is not yet properly baked.’ All the assembled guests burst into
laughter. Nam Dev felt greatly humiliated and ran up to Vitthal
with whom he was on the most intimate terms, playing with
him, eating with him, sleeping with him, and so on. Nam Dev
complained of this humiliation which had happened to him,
the closest friend and companion of Vitthal. Vitthal (who of
course knew all this) pretended to sympathise with him, asked
for all the details of the happenings at Gora’s house and after
hearing everything said, ‘Why should you not have kept quiet
and submitted to the tapping, as all the others did? That is why
all this trouble has come.’ Thereupon Nam Dev cried all the
more and said, ‘You also want to join the others and humiliate
me. Why should I have submitted like the others? Am I not
your closest friend, your child?’ Vitthal said, ‘You have not yet
properly understood the truth. And you won’t understand if I
tell you. But go to the saint who is in a ruined temple in such
and such a forest. He will be able to give you enlightenment.’
Nam Dev accordingly went there and found an old, unassuming
man sleeping in a corner of the temple with his feet on a Siva
lingam. Nam Dev could hardly believe this was the man from
60
whom he — the companion of Vitthal — was to gain
enlightenment. However, as there was none else there, Nam
Dev went near the man and clapped his hands. The old man
woke up with a start and, seeing Nam Dev, said, ‘Oh, you are
Nam Dev whom Vitthal has sent here. Come!’ Nam Dev was
dumb-founded and began to think, ‘This must be a great man.’
Still he thought it was revolting that any man, however great,
should be resting his feet on a lingam. He asked the old man,
‘You seem to be a great personage. But is it proper for you to
have your feet on a lingam?’ The old man replied, ‘Oh, are
my feet on a lingam? Where is it? Please remove my feet
elsewhere.’ Nam Dev removed the feet and put them in various
places. Wherever they were put, there was a Siva lingam.
Finally, he took them on his lap and he himself became a Siva
lingam. Then he realised the truth and the old gentleman said,
‘Now you can go back’.” Bhagavan added, “It is to be noted
that only when he surrendered himself, and touched the feet
of his guru, enlightenment came. After this final enlightenment
Nam Dev returned to his house and for some days did not go
to Vitthal at the temple, though it had been his habit not only
to visit Vitthal every day, but to spend most of his time with
Vitthal at the temple. So after a few days, Vitthal went to Nam
Dev’s house and like a guileless soul enquired how it was that
Nam Dev has forgotten him and never visited him. Nam Dev
replied, ‘No more of your fooling me. I know now. Where is
the place where you are not! To be with you, should I go to
the temple? Do I exist apart from you?’ Then Vitthal said, ‘So
you now understand the truth. That is why you had to be sent
for this final lesson’.”
Bhagavan referred to the article in the Vision of December,
1945 on Sthita Prajna and to the lines from Sat Darshana quoted
in that article. Dr. Syed thereupon asked Bhagavan when Reality
in Forty Verses was made by Bhagavan. Bhagavan said, “It was
recently something like 1928. Muruganar has noted down
61
somewhere the different dates. One day Muruganar said that
some stray verses composed by me now and then on various
occasions should not be allowed to die, but should be collected
together and some more added to them to bring the whole
number to forty, and that the entire forty should be made into a
book with a proper title. He accordingly gathered about thirty
or less stanzas and requested me to make the rest to bring the
total to forty. I did so, composing a few stanzas on different
occasions as the mood came upon me. When the number came
up to forty, Muruganar went about deleting one after another
of the old collection of thirty or less on the pretext they were
not quite germane to the subject on hand or otherwise not quite
suitable, and requesting me to make fresh ones in place of the
deleted ones. When this process was over, and there were forty
stanzas as required by Muruganar, I found that in the forty there
were but two stanzas out of the old ones and all the rest had
been newly composed. It was not made according to any set
scheme, nor at a stretch, nor systematically. I composed different
stanzas on different occasions and Muruganar and others
afterwards arranged them in some order according to the
thoughts expressed in them to give some appearance of
connected and regular treatment of the subject, viz., Reality.”
(The stanzas contained in the old collection and deleted by
Muruganar were about twenty. These were afterwards added
as supplement to the above work and the Supplement too now
contains 40 verses).
Bhagavan also said, “Marital Garland of Letters was
composed partly at the Virupakshi Cave and partly on my walks
round the hill. Upadesa Saram alone was written with a scheme
and a set purpose and at a stretch at one sitting. That was because
Muruganar had set a limit of one hundred stanzas for the entire
theme of the poem and in it had planned that the particular
subject of Upadesa should be confined to thirty stanzas, of
which again he had already composed three stanzas, leaving
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thus only twenty-seven stanzas within the brief compass of
which I was required to deal with the whole subject.”
In the afternoon Bhagavan explained to Dr. Srinivasa Rao
the significance of the name Rama. “The ‘Ra’ stands for the
Self and ‘ma’ for the ego. As one goes on repeating ‘Rama’,
‘Rama’, the ‘ma’ disappears, getting merged in the ‘Ra’ and
then ‘Ra’ alone remains. In that state there is no conscious
effort at dhyana, but it is there, for dhyana is our real nature.”
8-12-45 Morning
Dr. Srinivasa Rao took this notebook and read out
yesterday’s entry. Thereupon Bhagavan asked Krishnaswami
to take out the notebook in which Muruganar and others had
noted down the dates on which various stanzas were
composed. We found it was only in 1928 that the Reality in
Forty Verses was composed.
Bhagavan showed me the Tamil paper Hindustan which
contained an article by Tilak Sastri on Bhagavan’s visit to
Skandasramam on 25-11-45, explaining the origin of the name,
among other things.
Afternoon
When I went to the Pathasala to bring some Sanskrit books
at Bhagavan’s instance, an incident occurred in the hall which
is recorded below. Miss Kamdin (now Mrs. McIver) was sitting
next to a lady who went into a trance and purported to have
received sugar candy from Narayana i.e., God. She thinks that
there was no trickery at all in it and that the candy came
mysteriously into the lady’s hands. I also was given a bit of the
candy.
The incident is thus recorded by Mr. K.A. Mahatani:
On 8th December 1945 at about 3-45 p.m., I saw a Gujarati
widow aged about 50 years sitting in the hall with two girls of
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about eight and ten years in the front row on the side reserved
for ladies. I could see that she was in samadhi.
After a few minutes she fell on her back quietly in samadhi
posture without stretching her legs. People in the hall thought
that she was in a hysterical fit, but those two girls said that she
was in samadhi and that it often happened to her. Then those
two girls started singing a Gujarati bhajan song in a nice tune.
(The song begins ‘Haji mare gher thaya lila ler’).
Bhagavan was all the time attentively looking at the
lady and enjoying the tune, keeping time by beating his knee
with his hand. I had never before noticed Bhagavan so
interested in any song.
After a few minutes the lady got up without anybody’s
help and sat in samadhi in the same posture, and began to
mutter something in Gujarati. I asked her whether she saw
any vision. She said in Hindustani “Yes,” and added that Sri
Narayan gave a message for all in the hall. “Let them close
their eyes, be still, without any pravritti (i.e., without any
thought or action) and I will give darshan to one and all.”
I translated to Bhagavan what she said. For two or three
minutes she was bowing her head with hands clasped towards
Bhagavan. Then we noticed that she handed over a piece of
sugar candy to one of the two girls sitting near her.
Before that we had seen her open hands quite empty. I
asked the girl what was that sugar candy and how it came into
her hands.
The girl replied, “This is prasad given to the lady by
Bhagavan Narayan; and whenever she goes into samadhi she
gets different things (such as fruit, flowers, garlands, sandal,
kumkum and sweets) on different occasions.”
Then the lady said that she used to get such moods since
she was six years old. The girl presented the piece of sugar
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candy to Bhagavan. He partook a little of it and the rest was
distributed among the others who were present in the hall.
I remarked that this was very miraculous. Bhagavan
indicated, ‘Yes’, with only a gesture of his hand, but said
nothing. After a few minutes, the lady left the hall with the two
girls. Before leaving she bowed low to Bhagavan and asked for
his blessings and his permission to go back to Bombay.
I learnt that she had come that morning and left the same
evening. She gave her name in the office as Mataji Maniben
Samadhiwallah, C/o. R.G. Raval, Purshottam Building,
opposite Opera House, Bombay.
9-12-45 Morning
When yesterday Bhagavan referred to Tilak’s article in
Hindustan, I said, “Our Nagamma has also written an account
in Telugu of the visit of Bhagavan to Skandasramam on 25-11-
45 and the happenings there.” Nagamma had told me previously
about this. This morning, Nagamma brought the writing and
showed it to Bhagavan. He read a little and then said, “Let her
read it. We shall all listen,” and returned the paper to her. Before
she could read it out, Bhagavan began talking to us about other
matters. Bhagavan said that the old disciple Kandaswami was
anxious to build a separate Asramam for Bhagavan. He
inspected various places on the hill and in the forests to select a
site, and finally suggested the present Skandasramam site and
then Bhagavan also approved of it. Thereupon Kandaswami
began converting what was a thick forest of prickly pear on the
mountain slope. The result of his labours, unaided by any at
the time, is the Asramam we see now. He added, “You cannot
imagine the state the site was in originally. Kandaswami worked
with almost superhuman effort, achieved by his own hands what
even four people together could not have done. He removed all
the prickly pear, reduced stone and boulder to level ground,
65
created a garden and raised the Asramam. We got four coconut
trees for planting. To plant them properly Kandaswami dug
huge square pits about ten feet deep. That would give you an
idea of the amount of labour he put into the work he took on
hand. He was a strong, well-built man.” Then Bhagavan showed
us a group photo in Self-Realisation in which the above
Kandaswami, Perumalswami, Palaniswami, Sivaprakasam
Pillai, Narayana Reddi, Iswara Swami, etc., are sitting with
Bhagavan. The photo was taken on a rock behind Virupakshi
Cave. He then added, “Kandaswami looks like a weak and lean
man in this photo. That is because he went away from us for
more than a month and was doing tapas at ‘GÝ Ñ{’ (Seven
Springs) and was purposely underfeeding himself. Before that,
he was a muscular, well-built man. He went away with only some
flour and a little jaggery to Seven Springs and lived there for
about one and a half months, living only on these scanty
provisions. One night at about 7 p.m. myself, Perumalswami,
Nagappa Chetti and possibly one or two others went in search of
Kandaswami and found him sleeping inside the rocks at Seven
Springs. Perumalswami went inside and brought out
Kandaswami’s conch. Kandaswami and Perumalswami were
adepts at blowing long, continuous blasts on the conch.
Perumalswami blew a loud, long blast outside the cave.
Kandaswami woke up and, recognising that it was Perumalswami
that was blowing the conch, came out. Seeing me, he prostrated
himself. We all spent the night there. We finished what was left
of the flour and jaggery which he had, and burnt away the firewood
he had gathered, made it impossible for him to continue there
and persuaded him to come away with us. It was because of his
fasting and tapas that you find him lean in this photo.”
Bhagavan proceeded to describe how Perumalswami and
Kandaswami used to blow in concert on the conch and how
when Bhagavan was in Virupakshi Cave, Perumalswami,
Kandaswami and Palaniswami used to go about begging in
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the streets for food and bring it up the hill and all there used
to share it. Before Perumalswami joined them, Palaniswami
and Ayyaswami and Kandaswami would go to a chattram and
the manigar would give food for all. But when Perumalswami
also joined, the manigar began questioning why an addition
was necessary. Thereupon Perumalswami laid down that they
should no longer go to the chattram or be at the mercy of the
manigar, but would go and beg in the town. Accordingly, a
party of four or more would leave the cave on this errand.
When leaving the cave, they would blow a long blast on their
conches. This was an announcement to the town’s people that
Bhagavan’s party had left the cave on their begging mission.
The party would give another blast when they reached the
foot of the hill. A third call would be sounded at the entrance
to the street. All the residents of the street would be ready
with their offerings and the party would march along the street
singing some Sivanamavali and collecting the offerings. The
food collected was ample, it seems, for all who gathered near
Bhagavan and all the monkeys, etc. Marital Garland of Letters
was specially composed for use by the begging party.
Bhagavan humorously added, “Marital Garland of Letters fed
us for many years.”
10-12-45
Yesterday or the day before, in the morning, a snake was
seen by Chinnaswami and others in the Asramam premises
somewhere near Bhagavan’s hall. We heard the cries, “What
kind of snake is it?” “Beat it! Beat it!” When we heard the
noise of actual beating, Bhagavan cried out ‘Vôo @¥d¡\Õ?’
‘Vôo @¥d¡\Õ?’ (“Who is beating it?”) Apparently this
remonstrance of Bhagavan was not heard by the party, and
the snake was killed. Bhagavan, added, ‘BYeL} @lT¥
ùWiÓ ùLôÓjRôp @lúTô ùR¬Ùm’ (“If these persons
are beaten like that, then they will know what it means.”)
67
Night
Mr. P. C. Desai read out in the hall the manuscript prepared
by Mr. M. Venkatarama Ayyar on Arunachala Mahatmyam.
11-12-45
About 6-30 p.m. a young man, Mr. Ramachandra Reddi of
Begampet, Hyderabad (Deccan), who came here a few months
back and stayed a day or two and took some pictures of Bhagavan
with his cine camera, told Bhagavan that he had a film of about
100 feet ready and, if permitted, he would project it before
Bhagavan. Bhagavan had no objection and so he made two
persons hold a white sheet at the western end of the hall and on
that screen projected the pictures he had taken — Bhagavan
coming from the hall, meeting Narayana Iyer’s son Ramanathan,
holding their youngest child, touching with his stick and speaking
to him, etc., Bhagavan coming from the cow-shed, climbing the
hill and then returning from there, being followed by Mrs.
Taleyarkhan and Miss Soona Dorabji and some other scenes.
We all appreciated the pictures. But Bhagavan could not see them
clearly. It was a revelation to us how poor his sight was. Then for
his benefit the screen was held near the southern window opposite
Bhagavan’s sofa and the pictures were projected again, but he
could not see them clearly even then.
Bhagavan said in this connection that once Mr. Grant
Duff or someone else wrote to the Asramam that they saw
some film of Bhagavan in Hollywood. Bhagavan said, “We
knew nothing about it. But apparently someone had come and
snapped me when I was moving on the hill.”
Mr. K. K. Nambiar also took about 100 feet of film some
6 months back. But it seems to have been a failure. Our
Venkatoo said in the hall that some years ago Jayadevlal’s
friend took some pictures with a cine camera, but as they had
heard nothing more of them, they too must have been a failure.
68
12-12-45 Morning
Mr. Desai continued his reading about 10 a.m. When he
read about one Kuppaiyar who was lame and afterwards got
the use of his legs, about 40 years ago, and Bhagavan said he
knew of the incident and that he had seen Kuppaiyar after he
got better, I said “@Õ TLYôu ùNnRÕRôöm. SUdÏ
ùNôp\§p~. @RàûPV §ÚhÓjR]m Rôu @Õ” (i.e.,
it would appear that it was really done by Bhagavan, though
he does not speak to us about it. It is his stealthy way). I said
so because Bhagavan’s old classmate Ranga Aiyar and one
other at least who could be trusted to know about it had assured
me that, from what Bhagavan had told them of this incident,
they were convinced that it was only Bhagavan who had
worked the miracle. When I made the above remark in the
hall to those near me in Bhagavan’s presence and hearing, he
did not deny my assumption. Bhagavan related to me once
the following incident that happened when he was living on
the hill: “A cartman was engaged one night by a lady new to
this town to take her to some street. The cartman purposely
took her to some out-of-the-way place near the hill and was
about to attack her for her jewels or molest her. Then two
constables appeared on the scene and threatened the cartman
and escorted the lady to her proper destination. The lady noted
the numbers of the constables and made enquiries afterwards
about them and it was ascertained that no human police
constable had ever done such a service on that night.” Ranga
Aiyar believes that this was also really Bhagavan’s work. I
concur with him now. For from the way Bhagavan narrated
the incident, even at the time I first heard it from his lips, I
had the same suspicion, though Bhagavan ascribed the incident
to Arunachala. We cannot tax Bhagavan with falsehood. He
describes what he did as having been done by Arunachala,
because he and Arunachala are one.
69
Afternoon
As I was entering the hall about 2-50 p.m., Bhagavan was
reading out from the Tamil Arunachala Puranam the verses in
which it is said that Gauri, after crossing the several streets of
Arunachalam, reached Gautama’s Asramam. When Bhagavan
came to the verses dealing with Gautama’s joy at Gauri’s coming
to his Asramam, Bhagavan could not go on, for tears filled his
eyes and emotion choked his voice. So he laid aside the book
and Desai continued his reading of the manuscript. I may here
record that I have noticed on more than one occasion in the past
how Bhagavan could not proceed with the reading of any deeply
devotional portions of Tamil works such as Thevaram and
devotional hymns of Thayumanavar. This afternoon when I took
from Bhagavan the above Arunachala Puranam and referred to
the portion which moved him so deeply and told him, in effect,
that I had discovered his plight which he tried to hide from us all,
he remarked, “I don’t know how those people who perform
kalakshepam and explain such passages to audiences manage to
do it without breaking down. I suppose they must first make
their hearts hard like stone before starting their work.”
In the course of Mr. Desai’s reading of the manuscripts, he
read about the holy hill having eight faces. To a question of mine
whether as a matter of fact this hill has eight faces, Bhagavan
replied, “The purana says that the Ashta Vasus having flattered
themselves in Brahma’s presence lost all their merit, and to regain
it they came and did penance here all round Arunachala. They
were given darshan by Siva at one and the same time by Siva
assuming eight faces in this hill. All those eight Vasus are still in
the shape of eight spurs round this hill. What is meant by saying
all those Vasus are still here as hills and doing penance round this
holy hill, it is difficult to understand. Does it only mean they are
living on these hills and doing penance, or are they themselves
these hills?” He added, “It is difficult now for us to locate where
the Ashta Dikpalakas actually stood sentry, whether at the spots
70
where the Ashta Dik Lingams are now found or whether the
lingams are those which were installed and worshipped by them.
We cannot be sure where exactly Gauri did penance and where
Gautama had his Asramam. But it would be safe to assume that
Gauri did her penance in the region covered by Pavalakunru,
Durga temple and Pachaiamman Koil and that Gautama’s
Asramam must have also been near this region.”
Bhagavan also said that whatever temple might have
originally existed on or about Pavalakunru would seem to have
disappeared probably on account of Tippu’s invasion, that the
present temple there was built only about fifty years ago and that
he once discovered the remains of an old cannon between
Pavalakunru and the northern wall of the Big Temple. It would
appear that Tippu Sultan placed cannon near Pavalakunru and
attacked the northern wall of the temple which was then used as
a fort. The northern wall still bears traces of cannon shots. It
seems the information given by Bhagavan was conveyed to the
Government and the cannon was carried away and kept as a relic.
Night
For the benefit of those who could not see Bhagavan’s
film on the 11th night, it was again shown today at about 6-30
p.m. in the dining hall. Before we went there Bhagavan said
that Yogananda and also one Shukla who was a Guru of the
American lady (Mrs. Noye) had taken cine pictures of Bhagavan
and that the latter’s pictures might have eventually reached
Hollywood and come to the notice of Grant Duff or others who
wrote to the Asramam.
16-12-45
In the Sunday Times of 16-12-45 an article entitled “In
silent adoration of Sri Maharshi”, by V.F. Gunaratna, of Ceylon
had appeared. I perused it in the hall. Bhagavan remarked, “Dr.
Syed has read it and thinks it insipid.” Thereupon I said, “There
71
is nothing to complain of in it. In fact, I read it long ago, probably
about last Jayanti time, when Mr. Ramachandra of Colombo
showed me the manuscript.” The article states Bhagavan’s
teaching, correctly if briefly, though it has nothing new to tell
us who are already well acquainted with him and his teaching.
17-12-45 Morning
An article in the Sunday Herald of 16-12-45 entitled ‘The
Maharshi who transforms man’s life’ by Dr. Syed was read
out in the hall. Dr. Syed said the title he gave was different
but the editor had changed it. Bhagavan also perused another
article by Dr. Syed on the significance of Mohurrum which
appeared in Free India of 16-12-45.
Evening
Dr. Syed said that the title he gave was ‘Ramana
Maharshi’s invisible work’.
19-12-45 Afternoon
Some lady introduced another lady to Bhagavan, saying
“Subbu has come”. Bhagavan could not make out who this
Subbu was. But, when it was explained to him who the lady
was, he said, “Ñl×Ïh¥Vô” (Is it Subbukutti?) and
recognised her as the younger sister of Chellam Bhattar of
Thiruchuzhi who had visited him recently. This lady seems
to have been a small girl with whom Bhagavan had played
in his boyhood. He told us, “This lady had an aunt who used
to take me to her house and pet me when I was a child.” I
asked, “Where is that lady now?” Bhagavan said, “She died
long ago and her husband married again and had several
children.”
Dr. Syed is old and has various ailments which render it
very difficult for him to go round the Hill. However, as he
found that Bhagavan sets great store by his disciples going round
the Hill he and his wife decided to try it about a month back.
They took Bhagavan’s permission and went round and came
back without any difficulty or untoward incident. Today again
they both came to Bhagavan and took permission to go round
the Hill. Bhagavan used to say that if one went round the Hill
once or twice, the Hill itself would draw one to go round it
again. I have found it true. Now this is happening to Dr. Syed.
My two sons and their wives and children and about ten
more relations of mine arrived this night and when I introduced
them, Bhagavan made kind inquiries whether I had been able to
get suitable accommodation, etc., for them. Bhagavan is equally
solicitous about the comfort of everybody who comes here. How
can one help loving him and becoming bound to his feet?
(Continued ...)
(My humble salutations to the lotus feet of Bhagavan Sree Ramana Maharshi
and also gratitude to great philosophers and others for the collection)
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